


Crying and Screaming

by TheDoctorFoundMyTardis



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcohol Withdrawal, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Branding, Break Up, But only for the rape and sexual assault, Cas Can't Catch a Break, Castiel becomes a bamf, Child Abuse, Cutting, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual teacher castiel, F/F, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, It's gonna be a wild ride, Lucifer is a Little Shit, M/M, Minor Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Miscarriage, Miscommunication, Mpreg, Murder, Non-Endgame Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Obsession, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy Kink, Pregnant Castiel, Pregnant Sex, Protective Dean Winchester, Rape, Recovering Alcoholic Dean Winchester, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Blame, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sexual Abuse, Sibling Incest, Suicide Attempt, Teen Pregnancy, There Will Be Smut Warning, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Underage Drinking, Unplanned Pregnancy, Victim Blaming, but only a slight bamf, getting back together as a slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2018-05-03 22:50:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 16
Words: 26,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5310017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDoctorFoundMyTardis/pseuds/TheDoctorFoundMyTardis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel always scrambled at two in the morning to get his work done. Dark circles constantly played under his dulling bloodshot blue eyes. He never got much sleep, but he kept his grades up. He didn’t have many friends, but he made do with only Charlie. Sometimes, after dinner, he would find himself in the bathroom with two fingers down his throat and the food he just ate, coming back up from his stomach. He didn’t look healthy anymore, with his pale skin dotted with bruises and scars from his brothers.</p><p>Dean Winchester was a little bit better off. His charming smile practically knocked girls dead and sent some guys to heaven. Dean didn’t really do his work and he didn’t really want to. His skin was beautiful and sun-kissed and covered in freckles that added character. People didn’t know that, in his past, everyday his alcoholic father had beat him. But Dean always took the beatings to protect his little brother. Until one day, Dean couldn’t take it anymore, he packed his things, took Sam and drove off in John’s  ‘67 Chevy all the way to Sioux Falls, South Dakota.</p><p>And As they say, the rest is history.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Castiel always scrambled at two in the morning to get his work done. Dark circles constantly played under his dulling bloodshot blue eyes. He never got much sleep, but he kept his grades up. He didn’t have many friends, but he made do with only Charlie. Sometimes, after dinner, he would find himself in the bathroom with two fingers down his throat and the food he just ate, coming back up from his stomach. He didn’t look healthy anymore, with his pale skin dotted with bruises and scars from his brothers.
> 
> Dean Winchester was a little bit better off. His charming smile practically knocked girls dead and sent some guys to heaven. Dean didn’t really do his work and he didn’t really want to. His skin was beautiful and sun-kissed and covered in freckles that added character. People didn’t know that, in his past, everyday his alcoholic father had beat him. But Dean always took the beatings to protect his little brother. Until one day, Dean couldn’t take it anymore, he packed his things, took Sam and drove off in John’s ‘67 Chevy all the way to Sioux Falls, South Dakota.
> 
> And As they say, the rest is history.

Castiel was doing his morning chores, just a mere five minutes before he had to get on the bus for school. He continued to move as quickly as possible, but he knew he wasn’t going to get around to vacuuming that morning and he was scared for later that day. He grabbed his things, trying to move silently to not wake his brothers, Michael and Lucifer. The creaking floorboards wailed beneath his feet and he could’ve cried.

His breathing was suddenly erratic as he heard it, the tell tale groan of Lucifer waking.

There was the shuffle of feet before the bedroom door swung open harshly, hitting the wall with a deafening crack.

The sting on Castiel’s cheek was sudden and painful.

“G-good morning, Lucifer” He said, voice trembling at the thought of something more painful.

Lucifer sneered, breath reeking of alcohol from last night. “What’s a faggot like you still doing here?” He said, getting in close to Cas’ face, blue eyes piercingly pissed off. “Shouldn’t you be at school, you little bitch?”

Castiel swallowed thickly, but he nodded, looking to the floor. “Yes… You see I wa-” The stinging on his face brought tears to his eyes, Lucifer’s hand having hit the same spot as before.

“And you’re not there. Now Get going.”

Castiel nodded, understanding his cue to leave. With his head bowed to the floor, he slipped away, making sure to avoid any of the old floor boards.

********

The bell still rang harshly in Castiel’s ears as he moved from first period to second period. He was always looking around the hallways, seeing only blurry faces of passersby he didn’t really know and part of him longing to know them. He made it to math barely on time, sliding into his seat in the back corner, facing the door.

The halfway bell rang quietly and at that moment, someone pushed their way into the classroom, all embarrassed smiles and apologies. Cas stared, his head tilted. He hadn’t seen this one before.

“Gosh I’m sorry, ma’am. New and lost and yeah.” The teen rambled slightly for another minute and Cas couldn’t take his eyes off of him. The teen was gorgeous. All smiles and sun-kissed skin, that was about all he could make out of the teen from this distance.

“Class, Dean Winchester. Dean Winchester, Class. Now sit… Before you embarrass me any farther” 

Dean laughed, a nice full bodied laugh and plopped down in the only available seat -The one in front of Castiel. Dean, of course, turned immediately in his seat to say hi to the person behind him. The teen stared at the black messy haired boy sitting at the desk. His eyes trailed over the teens pale, slim face and pink full lips. He cleared his throat, after gaping at the other teen. “How’d you get that bruise?” He said, pointing to the fresh bruise on Castiel’s cheek.

Castiel’s hand flew to his cheek, immediately knowing how and when it got there. He said nothing but covered the bruise with his hand, writing down the problems for homework, promptly ignoring Dean.

Dean frowned at the way this person was acting, it was a near exact copy of how Dean himself used to act when his father had… He shook his head. “Can I at least get a name?” He said, grinning hopefully.

Cas glanced up at Dean before focusing on the math equations he wanted to finish before getting home. The clock was ticking and people were beginning to put away their books. Cas adjusted the sleeves of his favourite grey sweater, the one his cousin Gabriel had given him for Christmas. “Castiel.” He said softly, already feeling self conscious of his name.

But Dean only grinned, giving Cas a winning Winchester smile. “Castiel…” He said, swirling the other’s name in his mouth. “I like Cas.” Dean Winchester, new student dressed in plaid and a leather jacket, gave Castiel, boring Castiel. A nickname. “Is Cas okay?”

Cas stared, gaping at Dean. “Uh… Yeah… Cas is… Cas is fine… But… Uh… Bye” He put away his books, seconds before the bell rang and was out the door before anybody could even stand from their seats.

********

It was lunch time now and Castiel didn’t eat. He bought his food and dumped it into the trash immediately, the stench of it making him want to vomit. He avoided most human interaction as he could as he grabbed his back pack and disappeared into the boy’s bathroom down the hall. He threw his bag into an empty stall and locked himself in it. He heard laughing as he shed his large sweater off of himself. He dug around in his backpack for a moment until he found it, his brand new razor blade. Cas’ movements were quick and precise, he didn’t even need a reason anymore to be cutting into his own skin, mutilating it.

Castiel didn’t stop as blood dripped down his arm, he didn’t stop when he started up again on the other scarred arm. And more importantly, he didn’t stop when Dean Winchester came into the bathroom with his younger brother, Sam, talking about their days so far.

Dean and Sam stayed in the bathroom, talking. Dean talked about the mysterious boy in his second period math and Sam ranted about a pretty blonde in his fourth period history. Dean was silenced when he noticed someone else was in the bathroom. He was stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the glint of shiny metal, Cas’ scared blue eyes, and the brief flash of red.

Castiel was forced to move into action, throwing the razor back into his bag and pulling on his heavy grey sweater. He was panting in fear that Dean would hit him when and if he exited the stall. Cas slung his backpack onto his shoulder and bolted out of the boys bathroom, panting as he stumbled over nothing.

His footsteps echoed throughout the hallways, bumping into several teachers before he slammed into a taller man. He gasped as pain punched the air out of him and he hit the floor. He looked up at his legal guardian, Lucifer. “L-Lucifer…” He said, standing immediately, hands shaking.

“Come on, bitch. Seems you can’t do anything right. Seems you need to be taught a lesson” Lucifer grabbed him and began to pull him out of the school, grip as hard as stone.

Castiel could only follow, glancing back at Dean, who was standing at the very end of the hallway. Castiel couldn’t make out his face though, he only looked blurry.

Dean was panting heavily, looking at Cas. He seemed to relax as he thought for a moment that Cas was in safe hands. He didn’t know why he cared so much about someone he just met. His father always told him he took after Mary before he beat him. Maybe worrying about someone he just met was also something he took after from Mary.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (in case you don't remember)
> 
> “Come on, bitch. Seems you can’t do anything right. Seems you need to be taught a lesson” Lucifer grabbed him and began to pull him out of the school, grip as hard as stone. 
> 
> Castiel could only follow, glancing back at Dean, who was standing at the very end of the hallway. Castiel couldn’t make out his face though, he only looked blurry.
> 
> Dean was panting heavily, looking at Cas. He seemed to relax as he thought for a moment that Cas was in safe hands. He didn’t know why he cared so much about someone he just met. His father always told him he took after Mary before he beat him. Maybe worrying about someone he just met was also something he took after from Mary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm tryna get a better feel for everything writing and smut and the torture scenes from Lucifer. (My friend is willing to proof read my terrible scenes woo!) Comments are very much appreciated(Even if you don't have an archive account!!)

Cas was dragged back to the house, his arm bruising under Lucifer’s grip. The basement was Lucifer’s favourite place to go. The smell of Mildew and old sex was enough to start the process. The rope was pulled taut against Cas’ skin, irritating the new cuts on his wrist. Lucifer’s belt was undone, slowly, the sound of leather making Castiel flinch. His mouth was dry as the belt was shoved into his mouth, the action cutting off his speech and any sounds he might have made.

Lucifer let his youngest brother’s eyes adjust in the near pitch black, watched them as they surveyed the scene. Castiel was sweating, his breathing anything but calm. Lucifer stepped forwards, the weight in his hands was light and lithe. The only thing Castiel could make out in the darkness was the glint of a silver blade as it came closer and Lucifer’s pale blue eyes paired with his wicked smile.

Muffled screams filled the room, floating about the house.

 

***********

 

As Dean went about his day, something didn’t feel right. His leg was bouncing and he kept glancing at the clock. People in his classes kept asking what was wrong, but it wasn’t until Sam stopped him did he really notice something was wrong with himself.

“Dean, what’s wrong with you? You’ve been so… jumpy since fifth period!” Sam said, grabbing Dean’s arm to stop him from climbing into the Impala.

Dean looked down at his little brother, brows furrowing. “I dunno, Sam” He said truthfully. “Something just isn't sitting pretty with me…”

Sam shrugged and got in the Impala. “Talk with Bobby about your little predicament”

Dean looked confused for a moment before waving off his brother and climbing in after him. “Yeah yeah…”

 

********

 

Cas was gasping for air, his mouth was like sandpaper and he felt like he couldn't breathe properly. Lucifer had dragged the thin, sharp blade across his stomach and chest so many times he lost count. His eyes had blinked open with cleaned wounds that were bandaged. Lucifer didn't apologize afterwards, just let him drink a glass of warm water before he was placing a blindfold over Castiel’s eyes.

 

_**~~~~~~SMUT WARNING CASTIEL/LUCIFER START~~~~~~~~~~** _

 

All Lucifer had said was “Don't bite, bitch” seconds before something hot and hard was shoved into his mouth, making him gag but all Lucifer did was groan. Lucifer had grabbed the back of Cas’ head and was having his wicked way. It had only lasted a few minutes before short spurts of hot salty liquid was filling Cas’ mouth. The hardness was gone from Cas’ mouth and Lucifer forced Cas’ mouth closed. “Swallow you slut!” He said, commandingly. And Cas did.

 

_**~~~~~~SMUT WARNING CASTIEL/LUCIFER END~~~~~~~~~~** _

 

Lucifer smirked and removed the blindfold, actually laughing as Cas coughed and choked on the horrible taste that seemed to sear itself into his mind. Castiel was left to his own devices as he sat, trembling in the chair. He moved upstairs and stayed in his room, refusing to get out unless he had chores to do.

 

***********

 

In second period, Dean would turn around in his seat, expecting to see Cas. He felt he needed to confront the other teen about the self harming issue at hand, but Castiel hadn’t shown up to school that day. Dean sighed, turning to actually complete his work.

 

…

 

Castiel didn’t show up the next day either.

 

…

 

“Castiel?” Miss. Harvelle said for roll call.

There was no answer but silence in the class room.

 

…

 

It was a week before Castiel showed up in class again and Dean noticed he seemed different. Cas didn’t talk but he seemed to be shaking lightly and constantly looking around. Dean touched his shoulder and Cas jumped about eighty feet in the air, smacking Dean’s hand away and breathing heavily. “S-sorry…”

Dean shook his head, withdrawing his hand. “No, It’s okay, I startled you. “Do you wanna sit with me and my brother at lunch?” He said, leaning onto Cas’ desk, smiling hopefully.

Cas stared before he slowly shook his head. “I don’t… I don’t eat anything, school food makes me nauseas…” He said softly, half lying. He didn’t think there was anything wrong with himself, but the way Dean was eyeing him felt like maybe there was.

Dean nodded. “Oh. Well I’ll start bringing you food from home, if it bothers your stomach that much.” He said and smiled. “You’re ‘bout the size of a twig, gotta get some meat on those bones, you don’t look very healthy.”

Castiel looked at himself, simply not understanding what Dean was saying, he was _not_ the size of a twig, he was fat and ugly. Or at least… That’s what he told himself every time he looked in the mirror. “Um… Okay,” He said, trying to smile, but it didn’t happen.

Dean looked concerned. “Cas… Are you alright?”

Cas looked up at the clock, the period seemingly having moved faster than what Cas was used to. “I’m fine, Dean.” He said as the bell rang and he was gone.

But Dean knew one thing; Fine _never_ meant fine.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel looked at himself, simply not understanding what Dean was saying, he was not the size of a twig, he was fat and ugly. Or at least… That’s what he told himself every time he looked in the mirror. “Um… Okay,” He said, trying to smile, but it didn’t happen.
> 
> Dean looked concerned. “Cas… Are you alright?”
> 
> Cas looked up at the clock, the period seemingly having moved faster than what Cas was used to. “I’m fine, Dean.” He said as the bell rang and he was gone.
> 
> But Dean knew one thing; Fine never meant fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry it took so long to update! I've been a little swamped with school and my own mental issues(but that's no excuse.) I'm really REALLY sorry and I'll make it up to you by posting every Friday, starting this upcoming Monday. Is that okay? Let me know!! And remember to comment, I'm still embarrassed and really insecure about my writing, so if you like it, tell me what you like and what I should change that you don't like. I'm very open to suggestions! Because every idea is a good idea!! ~~

Cas’ eyes moved quickly over every surface there was, heart pounding and hands shaking. He kept looking back over his shoulder as if someone was following him, but every time there was no one. Still, he feared that Lucifer would be there behind him, Waiting. A hand clapped down on his shoulder and Cas shrieked in surprise, not looking up and he fixed his eyes to the floor, trembling. He felt like he couldn't breathe, everything was closing in around him and his vision was getting blurry with tears. And then he could breathe, vision returning.

“Cas? Are you alright?” A  concerned voice drifted into Cas’ ears and Cas relaxed. Not Lucifer. He looked up and saw Dean.

“Yes I'm… I'm okay” Castiel said softly, brushing off his sweater  as his breathing returned to normal.

“Are you sure… Cause you didn't seem so okay a minute ago.”

Cas nodded. “I'm okay”

Dean frowned but he nodded, accepting it for the time being. “So you're gonna sit with me and Sam at lunch, right?”

“Sam and I” Cas said, correcting the only slightly taller teen as he looked at him.

Dean nodded thoughtfully at Cas’ comment and he chuckled. “Yeah. You're right.  So are you gonna sit with Sam and I at lunch?”

Castiel nodded, afraid to disappoint Dean. “Yes… if you want.” Dean grinned happily, guiding Cas to the lunch room.

*************

Dean found out that Cas actually shared several classes with him after lunch. He also found out that Cas enjoyed playing and listening to the piano. So Dean took it upon himself to introduce Cas to classic rock. Very excitedly actually. He all but forced Cas to listen to Led Zeppelin and ACDC but instead of being upset, Cas listened to all of it, very accepting of Dean’s choice in music. After Dean had played his music, Castiel very shyly showed Dean his favourite songs on the piano -playing them off of youtube of course.

Dean loved them, smiling excitedly at Cas. “You’ll have to play me the piano one day”

Cas gaped at Dean, nervous and shocked. “W-what?” He said, slightly panicked. “No, I-I’m… I’m not that good.”

Dean rolled his eyes and hooked his arm around Cas’ shoulders. “I’m sure you’re amazing. You’ll have to come over to my Uncle Bobby’s house, he might have one stored away in his junk somewhere.”

Cas looked at Dean, worrying at his bottom lip. He was a little rigid under Dean’s arm at first, but ever so slowly he relaxed because he knew it wasn’t Lucifer. The longer he stared at Dean, the more he relaxed. And the more he relaxed, the more he noticed Dean’s little freckles and bright green eyes. He stared, seemingly getting lost as he examined the slope of Dean’s nose and he was snapped out of it when Dean’s hand waved in front of his face. Cas seemed to jump back into thoughts that weren’t just his new friend, hearing Dean’s deep chuckle reverberate through him.

“Earth to Cas? You okay, buddy?”

“Y-yeah… I’m fine… And Maybe I’ll play for you one day… Maybe”

 ****  


*************

At the end of eighth period as Cas was rushing out the door, Dean was all but begging Cas to help him with a sex ed. project. Castiel very adamantly refused, claiming to know nothing about the subject. Dean followed him to the buses, still begging and pleading.

“Come _onnnn_!~”

“No. I know nothing of the sort.”

“It’s just a small thing! Plus you’re smarter than me!”

“No.”

“We can research it together, and I’ll make you snacks”

“No. And I do not care for snacks.”

“Casssss. Please. Just this once?”

Cas caved as he looked back at Dean, giving into the sad puppy dog eyes Dean had been dishing out. “I… _Fine_ …” He said softly, all the while knowing he would get punished harshly.

*************

As Cas tried to help Dean with his project (which mostly consisted of Cas not really doing anything other than listening to Dean’s music), Dean had the occasional question for Cas, which Cas found he was actually able to answer. After a while of listening to nothing but Led Zeppelin and ACDC, Cas fell asleep on Dean’s bed. He only meant to rest his eyes, but had wound up curled into Dean’s blankets and pillows, snoozing from exhaustion.

“Hey Cas, what do you thi…-” Dean’s voice trailed off into silence as he finally noticed that Cas had fallen prey to sleep. He smiled and studied Cas, much like the other had done that afternoon. He all but breathed in Cas’ pale skin and tousled black hair, splayed out on his pillow. Dean found himself wondering why Castiel’s eyes always looked so sad and he desperately wanted to know what would put that spark back in them. His eyes trailed along Cas’ lithe body, saw the way his legs tangled around blankets as he slept. And that’s when he finally admitted to himself that he thought the other teen was beautiful. Self-harm scars he knew were there and all.

Dean smiled to himself and went back to working on his project when a phone went off, enough to make Cas turn, but not enough to wake him. He knew it was wrong as he picked up Cas’ phone, and he knew it was worse when he opened the messages. Dean felt anger bubble inside the pit of his stomach as he read the messages as they poured in.

‘Where are you, slut?’

‘You have chores to do.’

‘Dinner to make, faggot’

‘If you don’t come home RIGHT NOW, you’re gonna get the same treatment as last week.’

‘I’m going to beat you so fucking hard, Castiel.’

‘WHERE ARE YOU?’

‘Get your ass home _NOW_ ’

The phone was ripped from Dean’s hands and he looked up to see a disheveled Castiel. Cas was panting as tears brimmed in his eyes. And Dean couldn’t help but think even now, he was beautiful. “I have to go home” Cas’ voice came out as a croak and his hands trembled.

“No.” Dean said softly as Cas started to gather his things. He tried to reach out to the other. “You’re not going home… You can’t, Cas…”

“I do, Dean. You don’t understand! I have to go, Now! I’m leaving.”

And before Dean could catch up to him, Cas was out the door of his bedroom and pounding down the stairs.

*************

_ **!!!!!!!!!!!!!Gra phic violence and smut between Cas and Lucifer Start!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!** _

Cas practically ran home, breathing heavily when he got there. He slammed the door open to find Lucifer and Michael sitting at the dining room table, just waiting. Cas shed his bag and sweater as quickly as possible, steadying his breathing as he knelt in front of Lucifer, awaiting the first blow. “I’m sorry, please forgive me. It won’t happen again.” He said, voice barely above a whisper.

The first blow was sharp and harsh. Cas didn’t dare flinch or make a sound as Lucifer’s fingers closed in his hair tightly, forcing him to look up.

“Nice of you to be here to welcome us home, slut.” Lucifer sneered, making sure to spit on Cas to show him that he was less than dirt. “You’re going to do what you do best -what I taught you last week.”

Cas nodded, but Lucifer still didn’t let him go. “And then after that we’re going to mark you as our property.”

Cas nodded again and Lucifer released him. With trembling hands Cas undid Lucifer’s zipper and button on his jeans. He did as Lucifer had instructed in the week prior. He licked and suckled on Lucifer’s hardening length until he had come. Michael calmly watched as Lucifer groaned and held onto Cas’ hair tightly. When Lucifer had finished in Cas’ mouth, Michael stood as Cas swallowed, used to the taste of Lucifer’s semen already. Lucifer smirked down at Cas’ broken face.

“Come on, faggot, time to get branded.”

Michael dragged Cas’ light body down to the basement and removed his shirt calmly and cooly, tying him face first onto a rough, old mattress that was laid there. Lucifer came down the stairs a moment later, carrying a hot iron in his hand. Michael forced a gag into Cas’ mouth and hit him on the back of the head as Lucifer walked closer. He let the burning metal hover over Cas’ skin before pressing it down on the unblemished skin of Cas’ lower back. Tears stream down Cas’ face as his skin is burned beneath the metal. If the gag hadn’t been in his mouth, his screams would be much louder and piercing than the ones that were being slightly muffled by the gag. It only lasted a little while longer, but Cas was passed out from the pain.

_ **!!!!!!!!!!!!!Graphic violence and smut between Cas and Lucifer Over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!** _

****  


*************

Dean was concerned when Cas didn't go to school on Friday or Monday.  But he was even more concerned when Cas did show up, but he didn't sit right and he looked like he was in so much pain.

“I brought you lunch.”

Cas looked at Dean, any ounce of happiness that had been in them before had been completely crushed. “Oh. thanks.”

………..

Dean frowned when Cas wasn't there for the rest of the day., not even bothering to show up for lunch. Dean looked at the lunch he actually put effort into and he sighed. It had only been a few weeks since he met Cas but he desperately wanted to protect him, but how was he when he kept running back to his abusive family?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean frowned when Cas wasn't there for the rest of the day., not even bothering to show up for lunch. Dean looked at the lunch he actually put effort into and he sighed. It had only been a few weeks since he met Cas but he desperately wanted to protect him, but how was he when he kept running back to his abusive family?

It was a warm Thursday, not cold enough for Cas to wear his sweater and it raised a few questions when he did. Outside, birds were out and singing happily even though it was the middle of October, so Castiel sat among them in his thick grey sweater and sunken in eyes. He was hunched in on himself slightly and his hair looked as if he'd been running his fingers through it all day.  The last  bell rang and anxiety welled up in Cas at the thought of going home. Kids poured out of the classrooms, rushing to get home, but Cas sat calmly among the pounding feet and crumpled papers. He looked up when he heard the flutter of wings flapping away and for a moment he felt like crying. He stared at the blue and red birds as they danced in the sky before settling down on their respective branches again. There were no more pounding teenage feet, only the occasional straggler. And yet, Cas continued to stare at the birds. He barely remembered what it was like to be free; to be a bird.

Suddenly he sniffed and there was wetness on his cheeks. He buried his face in the scratchy but comfortable and familiar fabric of his sweater.  Castiel heard the familiar jingle of change in a pocket and then jeans as they scraped on the concrete as the other person sat down. A heavy arm fell around his shoulders and pulled him closer to the warm chest of the other person, but it wasn't intruding. It was nice… comfortable even. But Cas didn't want comfort so he pushed the other away. “Go away,  Dean.” He said, voice muffled by the sweater. Cas couldn't see Dean so he couldn't see the other teen was smiling.

“Nah… I brought someone who's been askin’ around for you”

Cas looked up at Dean angrily, eyes red with tears. “who could've been asking for me?!”

A girl stepped from behind Dean, her deep red hair falling over Cas’ face as she leaned over him. “me.” She grinned as he looked astonished.

“Ch-charlie?” He said as he turned around. “B-but… you… You were in… a different…” He practically sobbed as he hugged her tight.

“I know… I left you all alone in the middle of the summer… but it looks like you've had this here Winchester to take care of you…” Charlie smiled as she hugged him back. Suddenly, she frowned. “You've gotten skinnier. Castiel James Novak, what have I told you about eating? And take off that damn sweater, it is too hot for that in the middle of October!” She exclaimed as she began to wrestle off the sweater. Castiel’s eyes widened and he wrestled back, trying desperately to keep the sweater on his body. Charlie suddenly reached the realization and she looked like someone had just thrown a brick at her stomach. “Cas… You didn’t”

Cas swallowed thickly, glancing at Dean before looking down at the ground, ashamed. His cheeks were as red as cherries and fresh tears rose in his eyes. “...I didn’t…” He mumbled, lying through his teeth. Charlie shook her head, beginning to pull off Cas’ sweater all over again. This time, though, he didn’t fight her because he didn’t have any more of his strength. Plus, she already knew. Charlie had pulled off his sweater as tears rolled down his cheeks in steady streams. She swallowed thickly as she stared at the red angry cuts that lined his arms. “Where else” She demanded. “Because I know you did. So where else did you?!” She had grabbed him by his shoulders as she kept her voice quiet, barely above a whisper. The birds in the trees stopped singing and there was a stale silence in the little courtyard. Cas didn’t answer, he couldn’t look at Charlie, or Dean for that matter, but he did find the ground fascinating. Charlie looked like she was in pain just from looking at Cas. She started to take him inside, she sent a smoldering glare at Dean over her shoulder and disappeared in the building with Cas.

She took him into the bathroom and started to unbutton his pants for him, he smacked her hands away out of surprise. His eyes had gone glassy and his breathing suddenly picked up pace. His terror filled the room, making the air seem thick. Cas’ hands shook as he shrugged out of his pants, he didn’t know why he was so scared, he’d been practically naked in front of Charlie dozens of times, but now, as her hands reached out, he trembled and pressed his body against the wall. Shaking like a chihuahua, fresh tears continued to roll down his cheeks, and soon his breath came out in short, shaky breaths and her eyes flew up to his face. He was as white as fresh snow and a small bead of sweat trickled down his face. For a moment, Charlie didn’t know what to do.

She stared as he gasped for air, taking in his bruises and jutting out bones and it only took her a minute to know that he was being abused. She looked around the dark girls bathroom, looking for something -anything- that would take her best friend out of his episode. All she found though was shitty toilet paper and crumpled up paper towels mixed with used tampons and the all too strong smell of perfume. Charlie looked at him, Cas hadn't said anything but still he sat against the wall, trembling in fear.  She did the only thing she could think to do and she hugged him close to her chest, let him breathe in her familiar scent. Slowly, she felt fingers close in her shirt and she felt the other slump against her. “Cas… I'm sorry for scaring you. Come on. Let's get you all dressed up and we're gonna go…”

“Don't wanna go home… don't wanna go home… don't wanna go home…”

“i know. You're gonna come with me to my apartment for tonight. It'll be just like the old times… just me and you in our own little world”

“No! I can't. I cant!” Cas cried,tearing away from his best friend. “I changed my mind… I can't …”

Charlie shook her head as she guided Cas to put his jeans on again. “Dean has your sweater… he knows that you self harmed and he doesn't think you're ugly… we're going to get you out of this…”

Cas trembled against the wall still, looking like a frightened rabbit. This was what he wanted, wasn't it? To be taken from Lucifer and Michael? But something else seized him and he knew he deserved the abuse he was given. He was used to it, the hitting and constant degrading. It didn't hurt him anymore, but he was scared shirtless of what would happen if he went to Charlie’s without prior permission from Lucifer or Michael. He looked Charlie and something snapped in his sad eyes. “Okay…” He said softly, feeling himself slowly calm down. “okay…”

Charlie felt the sudden change in Cas and she breathed a sigh of relief. God how she missed her cute little rebellious Cas.

 

**************

 

After Charlie dragged away a scarred Cas, Dean had been rummaging through Cas’ bag. He knew Cas would have at least one thing to self harm in his bag. He didn't expect to find three brand new ones along with Cas’ phone that was blowing up with angry messages from Lucifer and Michael. Dean panicked and opened the messages as he blocked both numbers before Charlie and Cas returned. He put everything back in the bag but threw away the shiny blades that clanged at the bottom of the trash can. When they came back he looked as innocent as a child, holding Cas’ belongings close. Cas looked at Dean and reached for his sweater so Dean handed it to him along with all his other things. The birds had begun to sing again and a light breeze had picked up. The concrete was cracked and weeds that looked pretty had begun to sprout; dandelions. And for a moment, Cas smiled.

Charlie nodded at Dean and started walking to the Impala. “Time to go.” She said, smiling at the now frowning teen. “What’s wrong?”

Cas shook his head as he looked at his phone confused. “It’s just… Nothing, let’s go.” He smiled again, but only slightly and it seemed forced. She guided him to the Impala and they all climbed in with Cas in the back, because Charlie jumped in the front seat after screaming ‘shotgun!’ At the top of her lungs. Cas had scowled at her and climbed in the back, feeling the smooth interior of the leather seats.

 

***********

 

Charlie led them inside her apartment as Dean texted Sam to say he would be home soon and to tell Bobby. As soon as they were inside, Cas was exploring. He was digging in drawers and looking for things that he could potentially mess around with. “Cas. Your ‘toys’ are in my room.” She said teasingly. Cas looked up innocently before moving from the kitchen to get his things. Charlie called them toys, but he came back with a rubik's cube and some puzzles. He immediately plopped himself on the scratchy carpet and began to mess around the puzzles.

Charlie sat down on the couch. “I have comfy clothes for you in the bedroom in the closet if you want.” But Cas was too focused on the puzzles to get up. He didn’t respond and he spent hours on the floor, playing with the puzzles and rubik's cube.

 

**********

 

It was late at night and Dean was gone. It was only Charlie and Cas in the one bedroom apartment. By then they were comfortable clothes and were cuddling on the couch under a blanket while Charlie ate popcorn. Harry Potter played on the screen and Castiel shouted spells with the movie.

…

The movie ended not too long after Charlie had finished finished her popcorn. The room was dark and Cas was comfortable even as Charlie left to go to bed. He curled up on the couch they shared for most of their childhood and he fell into a dreamless sleep. But he was safe and warm and he didn’t get beat today. Charlie came out of her bedroom when she got thirsty. She looked at her best friend and felt a surge of anger towards his brothers. She leaned down and kissed his forehead. “Goodnight, Cas… You’re safe” She whispered. “You’re safe…”

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The movie ended not too long after Charlie had finished finished her popcorn. The room was dark and Cas was comfortable even as Charlie left to go to bed. He curled up on the couch they shared for most of their childhood and he fell into a dreamless sleep. But he was safe and warm and he didn’t get beat today. Charlie came out of her bedroom when she got thirsty. She looked at her best friend and felt a surge of anger towards his brothers. She leaned down and kissed his forehead. “Goodnight, Cas… You’re safe” She whispered. “You’re safe…”

Cas woke up and he felt heavy. His eyelids and everything about himself was too heavy to lift so he laid still on Charlie’s couch, picking the fuzz off his favourite bee pajamas. Charlie came out sometime later, but that wouldn’t be for a while and Cas didn’t do much until then. He stared at the ceiling and felt like crying so he looked away, but that made him want to cry too. He wasn’t sure why he felt like crying so suddenly, he didn’t know the feelings that were welling inside of him. Was it gratitude? Safety? Happiness? He just couldn’t place it. So when Charlie came out of her bedroom, Cas took one look at her and started bawling. Of course, she was over in a rush to soothe him, her red hair in a messy bun atop her head. She hushed him gently, letting him cry and hang on tight. He looked up at her when he felt he had ruined her night shirt enough. He sniffed and leaned back, but still held onto her like he was afraid she would leave. “I should… I should go… They’re g-going to b-be mad… and We b-both know I deserve it…” He said, trembling lightly. Cas seemed to do that a lot lately; tremble. Was it because he was always scared?  Always afraid Lucifer or Michael would be lurking around the corner.

Charlie scowled much like a woman who was reprimanding her children. “Cas… In no way did you deserve this. At all… You’re my little angel.” She said softly, holding him close. “And I’m gonna get you through this and so is Dean and the Police Department because even if you thought about going back you can’t… I already called the police on them… They’ll go to jail, Cassie.”

Cas looked scared for a moment. “Where will I go? I can’t live here with you forever… You’re not a legal guardian. The court won’t let me stay here after they’ve gotten rid of Lucifer and Michael.” 

Charlie cracked a small smile. “Nice to know you’ve been keeping up with the legalities of your situation, Cassie,” She said. “We’ve already got a candidate and he’s more than willing to support you and help you. He’s kind and he might look a little rough around the edges, but he’s a great big softie” 

“Who?”

 

*********

 

Cas stood awkwardly outside of the house that looked cozy but like it was going to crash down at any moment. He felt Charlie's hand on the small of His back, nudging him forward. “Come on we need to surprise the others so knock and meet your guardian!” Cas looked a little flustered and out of place but he hesitantly knocked on the door, barely hearing the knock himself. He didn't know how the person inside would hear it but as he raised his hand to knock a little louder, the door sung open and revealed a roundish man with scruff and an old hat that looked like it needed to be put out of its misery.  Charlie was right, the man looked a little rough but then Cas gasped lightly, rounding on Charlie. 

“This is Dean's guardian, Charlie!” He said accusingly. “I don't wish to be a burden..!”

Bobby still only stood in the doorway. “Come on inside… Dean and Sam’ll be home soon and I need someone's help cooking dinner. Those idjits’ll eat anything you put in front of ‘em.” He chuckled as Charlie nudged Cas forward. 

“He hasn’t adopted you yet, he can’t until they’re in jail, but you’re gonna be safe here.” She said. “You're gonna be okay” 

Cas walked silently into the house, the only sound he was making came from the light steps of his feet on the hardwood. His blue eyes traveled to Bobby and he looked at the man and he felt shy. “Th-thank you… for… the things you'll be helping me with… you're very kind…” He said softly. “if there’s anything I can do… t-to… repay you… i…”

Bobby smiled and thought a minute. “You don't have to do anythin’. But if ya really want, you can make whatever you want for dinner” 

Cas looked confused but he nodded. “O-okay… I'll make dinner…”

“I'll be out back, fixin’ up cars if you need me.” Bobby said before he was gone.

…

Cas was making dinner silently, letting the sauce simmer as he stepped away from it to to explore. He was a cat, peeking around corners and digging around in things he probably shouldn't have been. He was looking through magazines when he found old piano sheet music and he smiled. Maybe living here wouldn't be so bad. He carried the music back with him to the stove and laid it delicately on the counter as he cooked noodles. The house he would have to start calling home began to smell of his favourite food when he was little. His mother would cook it even as she fell into her illness. 

…

She leaned over the large stewing pot and looked down at her small angel with his bright blue eyes and black hair he inherited from her. She smiled as he gazed up at her. “Rember to add it slow, Castiel… or the ‘our cream will curdle.” Her accent was thick with Russian as she taught him how to cook her infamous meal. 

Young Castiel would always smile and nod, taking the advice despite having heard it many times already.  “O’ course, Mama!”

Every time she would nod and pat his head gently under her hand that was slowly beginning to grow bony with sickness and she would always say in the softest of whispers to him, “Good boy… My little angel”

…

Castiel was smiling fondly as he was taken back to a time when he wasn't sad or being abused. Taken to a time when he was happy. He heard the door open as he stirred the food and for a moment he stiffened, scared. “Mm… Bobby what the hell you cookin’ that smells so damn good?” Dean’s familiar voice flooded his ears and he relaxed. His reaction to hearing dean was almost instantaneous. Relief had flooded his system and he had calmed exponentially. 

Dean was humming as he walked into the kitchen. He bent and dug around the fridge for a drink. He snapped open the top and went to drink. As he closed the door he stared at Cas, can dropping to the floor with a clank and the sound of fizzing bubbles filled the kitchen. 

Cas gasped and immediately dropped to his knees, cleaning up the mess. He kept apologizing even as he scrubbed the sticky soda substance away with a sponge soaked in soap and water. “Oh god I'm sorry… I… I didn't mean to frighten you..” 

Dean was shocked as he stared at Cas. “Cas? What are you doing here?” 

Cas looked up at dean from his position on the floor. “um… I'm making dinner?” He said, tilting his head confused. “Its Beef Stroganoff if you were wondering” Cas stood again and threw away the can of emptied soda, returning to his cooking. 

Dean shook his head. “No I mean… why are you here?”

“In the kitchen? I'm making dinner as ive said… Wait… You mean in the house!” Cas gasped and looked at Dean. “Gosh I'm stupid… I live here now apparently.”

Dean gaped, blinking rapidly. “Um… Okay…” He said slowly, stepping to Cas. “You uh… You said you were making beef stroganoff?” 

Cas nodded happily. “Mm hmm… my mother used to say,  ‘Добавить это медленно, или вы будете уничтожить его.’”

Dean blinked, clearing his throat as he shifted slightly and swallowed thickly as several thoughts passed through his head. “uh… what?”

Cas looked at Dean, humming in response. “‘Add it slowly, or youll destroy it.’ is what I said, is it not?”

Dean shook his head. “No you said that… but um… in… Russian?”

Cas blushed. “My mother was from Russia” He mumbled, glancing at Dean, looking afraid for a moment. 

Dean nodded. “That’s cool. My parents are from Kansas.” He looked at the food and he reached for it sneakily to try it. 

Cas, of course, noticed Dean's plan to take the food and without thinking, slapped his hand away with a wooden spoon. His eyes widened in realization to what he'd done as Dean's hand jerked back from getting hit. “I… I'm So...I'm so sorry… I didn't…”

All Dean did was laugh, though. “Feisty, I like it” He winked and watched as Cas’ cheeks flared dark red. Cas turned away, his blush not settling down, in fact he got more red the more he thought about Dean's flirtation. “Cas? You okay?” Cas nodded, glancing at Dean. Dean noticed his darkening cheeks and he chuckled. “Sorry for makin you flustered, I'll go get Sam so you can meet him” Cas nodded again.

…

Dean practically dragged his younger brother to meet Cas. “Cas!” 

Cas looked up from where he was studying the music he had picked up from before. “Hm…?” He hummed absently. “Oh! Hello. You must be Sam.”

Sam smiled and nodded. “And you're Castiel. Dean has said lots about you” Dean had the good grace to blush and he covered Sam's mouth, embarrassed.

Cas gave a small smile. “I hope its all good things” He said nervously

Dean nodded, smiling at Cas. “Only good things. I could never bad talk you.” He said flirtatiously as Cas’ cheeks flared up once again. 

Sam looked up at Dean before looking at Cas. “Don't mind Dean. He flirts with everyone” 

Dean watched as the slight happiness faded in Cas’ face and his blush calmed down. His eyes widened and he frowned. “Sam… wait Cas thats not…-” But it was true and both him and Cas knew it. He watched as Cas swallowed thickly, looking suddenly sad.  In that moment, Dean could practically feel Cas’ feeling of inadequacy rolling off of him in waves. “Cas…”

Cas looked at Dean with a small smile. “No… I uh… I have to check on the food.”

Dean watched him walk back to the kitchen and Sam finally seemed to understand the situation. “Oh. Sorry Dean. But it's true.”

Dean looked down with a sigh. “Yeah… I know.”

 

*********

 

Bobby came in when dinner was done and Cas served everyone their food. He gave himself a small portion, used to not eating anything anyway but Bobby had insisted that Cas take food. Cas sat still at the table, waiting for everyone else to eat first. Bobby started eating and Dean and Sam followed as soon as they got their food. Cas didn't start eating and he didn't move. Bobby noticed Castiel wasn't eating and looked at him. “Go on. Eat. You don't look like live eaten in a few months”

Cas looked at Bobby and tilted his head. “Well That's because I haven't...” He said questioningly. “The most I've eaten is about a piece of bread.”

Dean's fork slipped out of his hand and clanged onto the table, staring at Cas. In fact everyone's eyes were on him and he stiffened, fingernails digging into his palms. He looked down at his lap as small amounts of blood formed crescent moons in his palms.

Dean looked at Cas. “You’re okay. You can eat. We're not gonna hurt you…” He said with a small smile, waiting for Cas to take a bite of food before he continued himself. “You're safe”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey what's up? Merry Christmas!! You know something bad is gonna happen when somebody ends a chapter the same way as the previous one, am I right?? It's a little less angsty at the moment but believe me, all in due time my friends ;)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's fork slipped out of his hand and clanged onto the table, staring at Cas. In fact everyone's eyes were on him and he stiffened, fingernails digging into his palms. He looked down at his lap as small amounts of blood formed crescent moons in his palms.  
> Dean looked at Cas. “You’re okay. You can eat. We're not gonna hurt you…” He said with a small smile, waiting for Cas to take a bite of food before he continued himself. “You're safe”

Cas was confused when he didn’t receive any messages from his brothers. His brothers were angry when he wasn’t home within the hour, and it had been a few days… So shouldn’t his phone be blowing up in messages from Lucifer...? It was probably wrong of him to expect angry text messages from them, but it almost felt -in it’s own twisted way- that he was loved. And that was pretty fucked up in itself. So, he spent the weekend curled up under an old blanket in a corner of Dean’s room (Because it smelled nice), staring at his phone. He didn’t play games and he didn’t move. Sometimes, Dean would come in with a snack and sit with him. They never talked and Dean didn't press it. He sat in that corner, his only motivation to move being to use the bathroom.

…

Staring at his phone in the darkness at four in the morning, waiting for it to light up in angry texts, his phone found itself without any battery and died.

Cas stared at the blank screen and then looked around the dark room frantically, searching.  He stood, blanket still wrapped tightly around his lithe frame. He dropped it before going into the bathroom. His face was eerily blank as he looked at himself in the mirror.  Voices started quiet whispering inside his head. He couldn't look at himself anymore.

A crash sounded and Cas’ eyes looked down at his clenched fist that was now dripping blood onto the floor. “Oh.”  

The voices crescendoed, screaming at him inside his head, shouting abuse and angry words. He held his head in his hands and looked at the shattered mirror. Cas crumbled to the floor, drawing his knees to his chest.He knew he was sinking deeper into the abyss, but he wanted to reach out and cry for help; to be saved. But he didn’t know how. 

He didn't know he was screaming until strong arms were wrapped around him. They held Cas close, letting him sob into his chest. But Cas should've known when he looked up that it was Dean. He should have moved from Dean, gotten away,  _ pushed  _ him away. But he did the exact opposite. In fact, he held him closer, gripping Dean's shirt in tight fists because he actually felt safe for once. Cas felt gentle fingers run up and down his back in soothing motions and he slumped against Dean. “Youre okay… It's okay… You're safe…” Cas heard himself repeat the words, but they sounded empty and meaningless, even to his own ears. 

Dean shook his head and pulled back to look at Cas. “I know you don't believe it, Cas… but you're safe here with me- us! You're safe with us.” 

Cas didn't miss the slip up, but he chose to ignore it, because who could really care about someone as messed up as him? He’s ugly and he hasn't eaten or slept in days and there were scars and fresh bruises and wounds on his body.  Why would anyone care about a beaten puppy? But he knew he felt safe in Dean's arms, so he closed his eyes and his tears reduced to nothing and his once loud sobs had become nothing more than gentle sniffles. Maybe he could be safe with Dean. Would Dean care about a broken puppy?

 

**********

 

Dean spent that same weekend, looking after Cas, making sure he was alright, but silently. He didn’t actually say anything to Cas, only watched him a little creepily. It was the middle of the night when he heard the shattering of glass. It wasn't even a minute later when broken sobs and screaming pierced his haze of sleep. Dean got out of bed and walked to the only bathroom in the upstairs where he promptly got on his knees and hugged Cas. His shirt got wet with tears and it probably was going to be stretched from Cas’ unrelenting grip. 

…

After a while, Cas fell asleep in his arms and if Dean tried to move even a little bit Cas would grip him harder and mumble into his chest. Dean decided to just rip the bandaid off and he stood with Cas wrapped around him. Cas mumbled a moment, but he nuzzled and fell back asleep. He laid on his bed with Cas and drifted off with the smaller frame of the other wrapped around Dean. Well Cas was certainly in for a shock in the morning.

…

Castiel’s eyes blinked open and he snuggled into Dean’s chest, his ears suddenly filling with a gentle thumping. He mumbled, moving his head away, but  nuzzling his  face into Dean's neck. His eyes flew open in the realization that the thing he was cuddling up to was a living breathing human. He gasped and jerked back, breathing heavily as he looked at Dean's face. He looked down at himself, seeing his clothes. He felt them, to make sure he was still wearing them. 

Dean looked at him with tired, bleary eyes. “Hey Cas? What's wrong…?” He said, sitting up. “You fell asleep in my arms this morning… So I just carried you here because you wouldn't let me go… and I just let it happen…”

Cas still sat apprehensively, looking at Dean as the other laid back down. “You didn't… You didn't do anything to me?” 

Dean jerked up, suddenly wide awake. “Cas? Why would you think that?” He said, looking concerned.

Cas looked embarrassed, tears filling his eyes. “I… No reason… I'm just used to it…” He looked down at himself, toying with his shirt nervously. 

Dean sighed and opened his arms. “You're taking a few days off from school… Come here…” Cas fell into them, holding onto Dean much like he had last night. “you'll never have to experience anything like that in your past again… You're safe, okay? You're safe …”

Cas trembled as he sniffed and pressed into Dean. “Okay… I'm safe… I feel safe… Safe…” Cas wiped his eyes and looked up at Dean. He pressed his hands on Dean's face gently, cupping his cheeks. “I feel safe… with you” He whispered as he looked at Dean's surprised and a little confused face before Cas let his eyes flutter shut. He leaned in close and pressed his lips against Dean's in a gentle kiss. Cas was shocked when Dean's lips pressed back, but he didn't stop the pleasant sensation. It wasn't pressing or demanding, but it was soft and intimate and warm instead. And Castiel felt safe. He didn't feel the need to run away or hurt himself. It felt _safe_ and It felt _right._

And maybe, just maybe, Dean  _ could  _ care for a beaten puppy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, loving hearing from you in comments, my tiny heart swells like the damn Grinch evertime I get one, so please do. Even if it's just saying how dumb or cute something is. Suggestions, predictions and anything else is welcome as well! So please don't be shy...! See you soon, my lovelies!~


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas had never been particularly shameful of fresh cuts because he always had a reason but feeling the blood escaping his body made his stomach twist in guilt. He shuffled on wobbly legs to his locker. He looked up at Dean and more tears flooded his eyes and spilled down his cheeks in silent waterfalls.  
> “Cas?” Dean said frantically. “Cas what's wrong? What happened?” Dean looked over Cas’ body when he noticed it. The thighs on Cas’ jeans were getting so subtly darker and a small stream of bright red blood had found itself beginning to drip onto the perfect white of the tile below them. Dean cursed and looked at Cas’ sad blue eyes that looked as though they were fighting to keep their spark alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! What's up?? This chapter does have some smut,-little bit- but between the two character we have come to love as Castiel and Dean!! I also changed up the summary so that it has a scene from in the chapter, do you think that woule be better? Anyways, Enjoy!

Dean kept kissing Cas. He never wanted to stop, but then Sam barged in, looking slightly panicked. “Dean we gotta- oh.” Sam had drawn up short when he'd noticed Dean and Cas lip locked with the latter straddling Dean's thighs. He bristled for a moment. “Dean you're such a cheater! You’re dating Lisa right now!”

With those words, Cas drew back, hand covering his mouth. His chest constricted and his breathing became shallow. “You're dating Lisa…?” He said, head tilted and cheeks flaring red from embarrassment. “Lisa Braeden?”

Dean sighed and glared at Sam. “No. Well Yes. But No.” The warm weight that was on his legs was gone as Cas moved off of him and he felt cold without him.

Cas’ arms were wrapped around himself and his hands shook as he touched his lips. “Have I just helped in you being unfaithful?” He said as he glanced at Dean, struck with panic.

“No” Dean said, climbing out of his bed and shuffling over to Cas. “Well a little bit, but Lisa and I… we weren't like an official thing… we just… messed around a bit…” He cupped Cas’ cheek, hoping it would relax him, but it was slapped away as Cas pivoted 180 degrees and walked out without looking back at Dean.

“I’m going to school!”

 

*******

 

It was a simple task, really. All he had to do was bring the pencils from one art room to the other. But of course, it didn't go as smoothly as hoped. Suddenly, the pencils had gone flying and he was flailing as he fell to the floor. Cackling laughter filled the hall as Cas scrambled to pick up the pencils. He’d finally managed to pick them up when he was pushed into the lockers by a carefully manicured hand. He gripped the pencils close to his chest as he looked into the beautiful face of Lisa Braeden. It was no wonder that Dean had picked her.

She let her eyes roam over his old sweater, dark blue skinny jeans and his simple black converse. She snorted and her wicked laugh filled the halls, echoing inside of Cas’ head. Lisa suddenly hit him, shoving him harder against the lockers. “So this is the little cock sucking slut that Dean decided he was gonna fuck instead of me?” She smirked when the hurt showed on Castiel's face.

“W-what? N-no… I…”

“Did he shove his cock in your ass cause you begged for it?” Her voice took on a mocking tone. “‘Oh please Dean, I want your cock sooooo bad!’” She crooned in laughter as her other friends flanked Cas on both sides.

“Cock slut!”

“Whore!”

“No wait, stop…!”

“Bitch!”

“ugly!”

“Who could ever want someone like you?”

Lisa wiped away one of Cas’ tears with one of her fake french tips and snorted. “Ahw look… the little cock slut is crying…” She said as Cas silently cried against the lockers. “See you soon, slut.” Her heels clicked as she walked away, taking her henchman with her.

Cas slid down the lockers, still gripping the pencils as he cried.

…

At the end of the day Dean went to Cas’ locker to leave with him. What he found made his blood boil. He ran his hand along the sharpie and the post it notes stuck to Cas’ locker. He read them all frantically. Many of them told him to die and others called him names. Dean traced over the big and black letters that stated boldly on Cas’ locker. _‘Cock slut’_

_…_

It was like the first day Cas met Dean. He locked himself in the same bathroom stall and dug around in his bag. He cried out in frustration when his search came up empty. He covered his face in his hands as tears slipped down his cheeks. Cas’ head snapped up when he remembered, he had some hidden in this very stall. His shaking hands danced over his hiding spot when they pulled back a blade and he licked his dry lips. The reaction was instant. As soon as his fingers had positioned the blade, he was blank. He made cut after cut on every area of skin he could reach. And god did it feel good. Cas finally came to his senses as he looked at the bloody blade and the deep wounds on his body. He wiped his red rimmed eyes and pulled his clothes back into their proper place.

Cas had never been particularly shameful of fresh cuts because he always had a reason but feeling the blood escaping his body made his stomach twist in guilt. He shuffled on wobbly legs to his locker. He looked up at Dean and more tears flooded his eyes and spilled down his cheeks in silent waterfalls.

“Cas?” Dean said frantically. “Cas what's wrong? What happened?” Dean looked over Cas’ body when he noticed it. The thighs on Cas’ jeans were getting so subtly darker and a small stream of bright red blood had found itself beginning to drip onto the perfect white of the tile below them. Dean cursed and looked at Cas’ sad blue eyes that looked as though they were fighting to keep the spark alive. “Come on… we’re going home”

Cas allowed himself to be taken to the car, feeling Dean's warm hand entwined in his own. For a moment he wanted to take his hand away and bolt. Wanted to run to his brothers, let them do as they pleased. But he gripped Dean's hand harder to stop himself from escaping the hold.

Dean guided Cas in the car and then got in the other side. “What are you feeling?”

“I just want to keep cutting into my skin and thoughts are too fast and I feel like I can't brea-” Cas was cut off as lips pressed against his own. His eyes fluttered shut and he kissed back, his hand reaching up and cupping Dean’s cheek. The feeling of want was instant, he didn't want to hurt himself and his thoughts calmed down. Dean pulled back and looked at Cas’ flushed face.

“And how do you feel now?” Dean said, letting his lips hover over Cas’ so he could feel the light pants of the blushing teens breathing.

Cas couldn't focus on anything but Dean, his breathing, his hands on his hips, and his _lips._ “I-I-I… I feel… okay…” He said softly. “C-calm… A little breathless… but I… I'm okay…”

Dean smiled and moved back, his hands moving off Cas’ hips. “Good. We gotta get you home… clean you up…” Cas couldn't focus but he nodded, allowing Dean to drive them home.

 

************

 

Cas was sitting at the dinner table with everybody. He was in Dean's old clothes, a battered ACDC tee shirt and form fitting booty shorts Dean had insisted that Cas wear. He ate in small bites, only doing so because Dean had encouraged it. When they had gotten home Dean was quick to have Cas seated on the bathroom counter. Cas had held onto Dean tightly, trying not to make a sound as Dean cleaned his wounds with alcohol. Dean had applied an antibiotic ointment to Cas’ cuts before wrapping them all up gauze. His forearms and thighs were covered in gauze, as was his lower abdomen. Dean had already told everyone what happened so they didn't bring it up and upset Cas.

Cas sat right next to Dean, practically on top of him. He was nervous around Bobby and Sam, but he did feel safe around Dean, so he stuck to him like glue. He remembered Dean's words from when he was cleaning his cuts.

…

_Dean looked at Cas, wrapping his wounds in the gauze with gentle fingers. “Cas… how are you feeling?”_

_Cas looked down at Dean, before looking down at the floor. “I… I am feeling like such a bother… maybe I should just go back to m-” He was cut off again as Dean's lips pressed against his for the third time that day. And just like the two other times, Cas couldn't focus on anything except Dean. Dean had pulled Cas to the edge of the counter as they kissed, keeping his hands on his hips._

_“And now?”_

_Cas panted against Dean's lips and he didn't understand why he felt so hot under Dean's fingers. “I don't want… I don't want to go anywhere…” He said, looking at Dean. “And I feel really… wanted…”_

_Dean gave a little smile and kissed him gently again. “You are wanted…” He said softly. “So I've noticed that when i kiss you, you calm down…”  Cas agreed, embarrassed. “So let me be your blade… Whenever you feel like you want to cut… or when you feel bad about yourself… or when feel panicked like you did before… Just kiss me instead of hurting yourself… Whenever you want… in the middle of the night… middle of classes… Whenever you need me…”_

_Cas hadn't responded then, but he said he would think about it._

_…_

It was late that night and Cas was actually sleeping when the nightmares began. One after the other they came. Being tortured so horribly he woke up with a shout of pain. He grabbed his pillow and slipped into Dean's room. He nudged Dean awake, looking at Dean's confused face. Cas was trembling as he gripped at Dean’s shoulders. “Did you mean what you said before?!” He asked frantically, desperately trying not to run and find an unmarred part on his skin. Dean sat up slightly, still confused. “Did you mean it?!” Dean's nod was all he needed before he was kissing Dean desperately. Cas’ mind focused on Dean instead of his brothers and the itching feeling of wanting to cut himself. He felt Dean's hands on his hips, gently guiding him into his lap. Cas straddled Dean's hips willingly, feeling his skin heat up under Dean's pressing fingers.

Dean noticed the change in the way Cas was kissing him and it suddenly felt less like Cas needed it and more like he wanted to be kissed. Dean moved his hands from his hips and moved his hands along Cas’ inner thighs, tracing a searing path along them. He heard a gasp as their lips separated and he looked at Cas’ flushed face. “Cas? You okay?” Cas nodded looking at Dean with poorly concealed arousal but it didn't look like Cas understood what was happening.

“Yeah… I'm feeling much better… and whatever you're doing with your hands… you're making me really hot.”

“Do you want me to stop?” Dean said, kissing Cas gently.

Cas shook his head, practically basking in the sensations Dean was providing  as his hands slipped into Cas’ shirt. “N-no… don't stop…” Dean allowed his hands to travel up Cas’ chest, rubbing his thumbs on Cas’ nipples. He was taken aback by Cas reaction by it. He was expecting light pants or even a little gasp. Cas moaned involuntarily, his back arching to seek more from Dean's hands.

“Shit… god you're so fucking sensitive” He said as he mouthed lightly at Cas’ neck. He nipped at Cas’ collar bone, drawing more erotic sounds from the other teen.

Cas was panting, still trying to get more from Dean's teasing fingers.”Dean…” He moaned, wanting, his fingers tugging lightly at Dean's hair. His skin was alight and buzzing from pleasure, but he wanted more. Almost on impulse, he rolled his hips forward, a silent demand for more. “Dean… I'm so hot…”

Dean was having a hard time processing that Castiel was this lewd, demanding without saying anything, with his legs spread and moaning so wantonly into Dean's ear. It wasn't hard to say that Cas had probably never felt this pleasure before or any at all, really. So Dean was going to give Cas pleasure and not demand that Cas return the favor. He swallowed thickly. “How about we take your shirt off then, if you're feeling so hot?”

Cas nodded, sliding out of his shirt and feeling the cool air glide across his skin. Goosebumps rose on his skin, causing his pink nipples to perk even more than they already were. Cas moaned, gripping Dean's shoulders as the other sucked hickeys on his collar bones and chest. He was pliant under Dean's fingers as the other teens hands crept up his thighs, allowing his legs to spread wider. Dean mouthed and swept his tongue over Cas’ sensitive nipples. Cas’ eyes widened and he moaned deeply, his hips jerking forwards, chasing the warm heat of Dean's hands at the same time his back arched to receive more from Dean's mouth. Dean finally gave in and massaged his hand along the bulge in Cas’ biker shorts. Cas’ head fell back and he moaned again, small string of curses tumbling from his mouth.

Dean rubbed his thumb along a small patch of wetness in the shorts, groaning at the way Cas rolled his hips into his hand. Cas was gasping for breath as Dean rubbed and teased his cock beneath skilled fingers. “More…” He heard himself croak before Dean was dipping his hand into Cas’ shorts and freeing his poor neglected cock. Dean moved his hand in long and slow movements along the length of his cock while his tongue continued to flick and tease Cas’ nipples. Cas had gripped at Dean’s shoulders in a sudden strength as he trembled in Dean's lap. Moans hadn't stopped leaving his lips and occasionally his hips would jerk into Dean's hand, until Dean kissed up Cas’ neck and whispered, “Cas… you can come… you don't have to wait. Just let go”

Cas cried out in pleasure as he shuddered violently, the most explosive feeling coursing through him as he came, spilling over Dean's hand. Dean stroked Cas through his orgasm, letting the other teen tremble from the pleasure of his first orgasm. Dean reached to the side and cleaned off his hand with some tissues. He kissed Cas gently.

“Come on… let's get you into bed…” Dean said with a small smile as he guided Cas’ shirt back on. Cas was pliant and soft under Dean's hands, moving wherever Dean guided.

Cas looked up at Dean in a sort of haze. “Will this happen everytime we kiss?” He said sleepily, nuzzling into Dean as they laid down.

Dean gave a chuckle. “Only if you want it to”

Cas mumbled a response but he was already too far gone into falling asleep for it to make sense to Dean.

…

Cas woke up to Dean's alarm in the morning, no nightmares having wrecked havoc after what happened last night. He snuggled into Dean's chest, thinking about last night. What did that mean for them? Was it just a comfort thing or did Dean _want_ to do it? Would it happen again or was that the only time?

Dean woke to Cas snuggled into him so he chuckled lightly which caused Cas to look up at Dean with bright red cheeks and a shy expression. He smiled at Cas and Cas looked embarrassed. “Good morning”

“My apologies for last night. I don't know what came over me.”

They both spoke at the same time and Dean looked surprised at how readily Cas had brought up last night. Dean yawned. “Why are you apologizing? I’m more than happy to take care of you when you get horny.”

Cas still looked embarrassed and he mumbled, but Dean couldn't hear.

“Hm?”

Cas flushed darker and glanced at Dean. “I… I only… get h-horny when you… kiss me…” Dean leaned down and kissed Cas gently. Cas’ heart fluttered for a moment but he kissed back.

“Horny?”

Cas shook his head, his heart pounding in his chest from the delicate way Dean had kissed him. “Just a little fluttery”

Dean chuckled lightly and kissed Cas again, the way he usually did with his hands on his hips as he pulled Cas against him. Cas's eyes widened for a moment before they closed and he was kissing back enthusiastically.  His heart pounded and he felt his skin heat up under Dean's fingers just as it had last night and every other time before. Dean pulled back when he felt the tell of Cas’ body rolling into the kiss. “Horny?” Cas was panting and Dean already knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it. He felt Cas nod against his shoulder as the other tried to calm. Dean let him, not wanting to push Cas to new limits. Cas looked at Dean with half lidded eyes and bright red cheeks.

“We should be getting ready for school…” He whispered just as Sam barged in again without knocking and shouted. “WE GOTTA GET READY FOR SCHOOL!!!”

Dean laughed and nodded. “Alright alright. Come on.” He kissed Cas gently. “Let's go”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it (Still a little new at writing smut!) And as always leave a comment because I read every single one and they make my heart warm and fuzzy with happiness. <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas was trembling as more and more homophobic slurs floated into his ears. Shouldn’t he have heard enough to not be hurt anymore by them? His breathing quickened as he thought about the things they were saying. He also remembered what Lisa said before. He couldn’t stop shaking and the itch beneath his skin grew louder and more persistent so he gave in. He didn’t mean to. It just sort of happened as Dean told off Alastair and Crowley. He looked up with a blank face when he heard the sharp intake of breath from Dean. “Baby… What did you do?” Dean had asked gently, looking at the bleeding scratches that lined Cas’ forearm.

Cas was walking behind Dean on their way to the Impala after school when Lisa appeared seemingly out of nowhere. She pressed her breasts against Dean’s chest and smiled alluringly up at him. “How about we ditch this cock slut,” She said as she jerked her head towards Cas. “And you fuck me like you did last week in the back seat of your car.” She stroked a manicured finger down his chest and to his belt where she started to play with it. 

Dean was pushing her hands away immediately, shoving her hands off of him in a near violent way. He didn’t apologize, more concerned with how Cas would react, he turned to the other, only to find he had begun walking away. He licked his lips anxiously, looking between them. “Go fuck yourself, Braeden” He said before he was jogging to catch up with Cas. He wrapped an arm around Cas’ shoulders as he kept pace with Cas’ fast walking.

“Dean? Don’t you want to fuck Lisa?” He said with a tilted head, displaying his confusion, but underneath Dean could tell how inferior Cas must have been feeling.    
“Nah. I’m already dating you, so why would I go and be romantically dishonest with you?” Dean said, not expecting Cas to sputter and stumble over his words, suddenly tripping and gripping Dean for support. 

“What? We’re dating? Why would you stop your splurge of fucking every girl in the school to be with me? Me of all people?” Cas’ breathing quickened and his grip tightened on Dean as he talked faster and seemingly more desperate. “Did you stop fucking every girl in the school so you could experiment with your sexuality? Am I just an experiment to you? Am I just another check mark on your list. Like ‘Bang the gay boy, bet he wants it’ Or is this a pity thing? Or, or, Are you doing this to make fun of me later or something? Because I-” Cas was cut off by a gentle kiss, hands loosening on Dean’s biceps as he slowly kissed back. 

Dean smiled. “It’s none of those things, Cas. You’re not just a check mark on a list. And I’ve known I was Bi since like middle school. And I don’t pity you. None of this is a pity thing. I promise.” He said gently, wanting to calm Cas down more than anything else. “Let me prove it to you?”

Cas was still apprehensive but he nodded. “Okay… I don’t know you’re going to prove it to me, but you can try, I guess.”

Dean grinned and guided Cas back to the Impala where Lisa was still standing in an angry huff. As they got closer, she reached out and back handed Cas hard against his cheek. “Fucking,  _ slut _ ” She growled, poking a manicured finger into his chest. “Dean only wants you be-” Dean’s stare on her had suddenly turned murderous and he slapped her hand away from Cas’ chest. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing” He all but hissed out, as she focused on him, she looked genuinely terrified before she stuttered and scuttled away. Dean looked down at Cas, looking worried. “Are you okay?” 

Cas was shocked into silence, all he could was nod as Dean guided him into the car. The rumbling of the Impala brought him back to life as they drove away from the school

…

Dean made Cas close his eyes, mumbling under his breath about how he hoped Cas liked sweets. He gently led Cas out of the car and face him towards the building. Cas couldn’t help himself from smiling in anticipation, it was almost exhilarating and he quite enjoyed surprises. Dean looked at Cas, chewing his lip nervously as he told Cas to open his eyes. Cas’ bright blue eyes blinked open as he looked at the building. For a moment it was silent between them as Cas took in the information. He gave a small grin, but Dean could see. Cas was practically like a puppy who had just gotten a new toy, but he refused to let it show. 

Dean smiled at him, glad he had made the right decision. “Go on, get whatever you like” He said before Cas was all but dragging him inside. As soon as they got inside, the smell of sugar was overwhelming and Cas practically melted as the smell of baking and sugar consumed his senses. He never really expressed himself, but he was eager as he bent at the counter, examining the cupcakes in the glass containers.

It was this moment that Dean would later claim he ultimately fell in love with Cas. Maybe it was the smile or the way Cas pointed at the cupcakes, wondering if he could get that one, but he was too afraid to ask. Or maybe it was the way he lit up as he got three from being indecisive. Either way, Dean couldn’t take his eyes off Cas and he certainly didn’t want to.

Cas decided on, of course, one kind, but Dean had noticed the way Cas had been eyeing the other two. He got one for himself and the three Cas had wanted, but didn’t ask for. Cas had looked at Dean, astonished. “Dean… You didn’t… You didn’t have to…” He mumbled, despite being so filled with joy on the inside. 

Dean waved it off. “I wanted to. So I did.” 

…

When they had the rest of the cupcakes boxed and they were in the car, Dean smiled at Cas and Cas smiled at him. He leaned in and kissed Cas gently, feeling Cas lean into it nearly immediately. A cupcake hit the windshield suddenly and they jumped apart. Dean was immediately angry and looked at the culprit,  a smirking Crowley, tossing another cupcake gently into the air before he whipped it at the car. The shout of “Faggots!” was heard clearly through the car and Cas flinched. Dean glanced at Cas, but he was too focused on Crowley now. He opened his car door to tell off Crowley, just as another cupcake whizzed past his ear.

Cas was trembling as more and more homophobic slurs floated into his ears. Shouldn’t he have heard enough to not be hurt anymore by them? His breathing quickened as he thought about the things they were saying. He also remembered what Lisa said before. He couldn’t stop shaking and the itch beneath his skin grew louder and more persistent so he gave in. He didn’t mean to. It just sort of happened as Dean told off Alastair and Crowley. He looked up with a blank face when he heard the sharp intake of breath from Dean. “Baby… What did you do?” Dean had asked gently, looking at the bleeding scratches that lined Cas’ forearm. 

Cas’ own eyes looked down in confusion before they widened. “I… I didn’t… I… I’m sorry… Please don’t be disappointed.. I really… I didn’t… I…-” 

Dean sighed and kissed both of Cas’ cheeks and then kissed him gently. “I’m not disappointed… You don’t have to apologize…” He said softly, closing his door as he climbed in. He pulled Cas close, feeling the other snuggle up to him. “What triggered your panic attack.”

Cas mumbled before he jerked away. “We shouldn’t be in a relationship” He declared, his hands shaking. “We shouldn’t be in a relationship because I’m too broken and you need a nice girl who is able to provide children and have sex right away with you. And I can’t do any of that. You could be happy without me. With a pretty lady like Lisa Braeden.”

Dean blinked in slight confusion for a moment before he was shaking his head. “I don’t want anything else. I don’t need sex to be happy. And I certainly don’t need kids, I don’t even  _ want  _ kids. You make me happy, and You’re not broken.” He said, pulling Cas back and taking one of his hands. “You’re only a little cracked. Like a dam that’s about to burst, but I’m here to fix your little crack and we’re going to get through this together as a team.” 

Cas was sniffling gently as he looked up at Dean, small tears in his eyes. “Promise?”

Dean separated their hands and help out his pinky, waiting for Cas to link them. It took a moment or two, but he did. “I promise, Cas.” He said as he kissed him gently, their pinkies still interlaced.

…

Dean drove them home and patched up Cas’ scratches with some antibiotic ointment and a bandage. After the band-aid was on, he kissed every scar and scratch and cut on Cas’ arms, whispering “I promise” after each gentle kiss. He knew Cas had more on his body, but he didn’t want to make Cas uncomfortable. Dean kissed up Cas’ arms before he kissed him gently, wiping away the small tears Cas had started to shed when Dean started to kiss his scars. 

“I’m ugly” Castiel whispered when they pulled apart, glancing pointedly at his scars.

Dean shook his head and kissed him again,. “You are the most beautiful human being i have ever laid my eyes on and you're mine. And I think that’s wonderful.”

“Even with my scars?”

“Even with your scars.”

Castiel looked at Dean hesitantly and held out his pinky. “Promise?”

Dean smiled and hooked their pinkies together. “Promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so I know this is kind of a boring chapter, filled with fluff if you could consider that not boring(?) Let me know everything you want to happen, what you think will happen, anything! Love me some feedback. :) Peace out my Lovelies, until next week. ~~Muahw~~


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas blacked out in that moment and when he came to, he couldn't remember what had happened or why his arms were stinging with the pain of fresh blood. He looked up sharply when the sound of a plate shattering caught his attention. “Dean” He breathed, making a move to hide his arms. But the damage was already done and Dean’s body had stiffened and his face was clearly showing his heartbreak. “Dean… I…”

Every morning, Cas was like a cuddly cat mixed with a furnace. He was always curled on top of Dean and the heat practically pulsated from his skin. So when Dean woke up cold in the middle of the night to Cas clutching the blankets in tight gripped fists as small beads of sweat rolled down his forehead, he honestly didn't know what to do. It only took him a moment to realize that Cas was having a night terror, and a pretty horrid one at that.  
Cas was trembling and gasping for breath. Dean was slightly frantic, but he didn't know what to do for Cas. “Don't make me… Don't make me go… back…to.. Them” Dean was confused. Go back where? To who? His brothers? He didn't want to grab or shake Cas, for fear he would startle to other, but he also didn't want to let Cas ride it out.   
Dean was tired, but he had woken up considerably when he saw Cas in this state. “Cas… Cas you gotta wake up, it's okay you're safe…” He started to uncurl Cas’ hands from the sheets, trying to stop the other from straining himself.   
Cas was drunk off his fear, unable to recognize reality or separate it from his dreams. He pulled away from Dean and his hand whistled through the air before a resounding smack filled the room. Dean supposed that was his fault and he didn't blame Cas. It had already happened more than once when he used to wake Sam from a nightmare. Cas was jerked awake nearly as soon as his hand collided with Dean’s cheek and he went from scared to horrified as he looked at his hand. “Dean I…”   
Dean shook his head and wrapped Cas up in a tight hug. “It's okay… You were having a nightmare. That one was my fault” He whispered, feeling Cas crumble into a sobbing mess into his arms. “How about… I make us some hot chocolate… And we sit right here and you can burrow under the soft blanket and drink your hot cocoa and we can watch your favorite movies or shows… Sound good?”  
Cas looked at Dean, tears sliding down his cheeks. “You'd want to?” He said quietly.   
Dean smiled and wiped away his tears with a gentle thumb. “If it'll make you smile… Angel, I'm willing to do anything”  
…  
Cas was under the blanket and messing with Netflix to try and find a movie he liked. Dean came up a few minutes later with the hot chocolate, smiling as he noticed his nestled up boyfriend. “Hey did you find something you want to watch?”  
Cas looked up and then glanced at the Disney movies he was currently hovering over. “Um… I've never really… Seen… TV shows or watched… Movies…” He looked away again, afraid Dean would think of him as a loser like everyone else. But all Dean did was smile brightly.   
“Then I have lots to show you is all” He grinned as he handed Cas his hot chocolate. He sat behind Cas and hugged him “Go on and pick one, baby”   
Cas’ face darkened about 90% to a deep shade of red, despite Dean being unable to see him. “O-okay” Although him and Dean had done some… Sexual activities together, Cas was --to say the least-- still very embarrassed and nervous around Dean. His shaking fingers tapped the button and then sipped his hot cocoa. He had picked Tarzan and he watched to movie with rapt fascination.   
Despite watching so intensely, he had finished his hot chocolate and about halfway through the movie; he slumped against Dean and was snoring softly into his chest. Dean smiled fondly at Cas. “Alright… Guess you were pretty tired.” He gently guided Cas to the laying position, letting Cas snuggle up to him. He stroked his fingers through Cas’ hair, feeling himself slowly drift off as well.  
…  
Dean woke up before Cas, just as usual. He gently slipped away, slipping down the stairs to make Cas a small breakfast. He didn't expect Cas to wake for a little while, and he was surprised when he heard the thumping of feet practically running down the stairs. Cas appeared in the kitchen, out of breath and frantic, only relaxing when his eyes settled on Dean. He was immediately snuggled up to his back before Dean could even get a word out. “Cas?” He said, surprised. “What are you doing up, baby?”   
Cas continued to keep his face buried in between Dean’s shoulder blades. “I thought you left me” He mumbled.   
Dean turned, letting Cas cling to him as he tilted the other’s chin up to face him. “I never will” He said gently before he kissed Cas delicately.   
…  
Cas laid with Dean later, snuggling his chest as Dean played with his hair. He found he quite enjoyed it when he did this. There was a movie playing in the background, but Cas found himself drifting off to sleep. “Mm… Dean… You're gonna put me right to sleep”   
Dean simply chuckled, the sound vibrating through Cas in the best way. “Are you tired?”  
Cas leaned further into the hand. “Well… Yeah…”  
“Then sleep”   
Cas nodded and soon he was asleep.   
…  
When he woke up later, Dean wasn't with him yet again. And similar to this morning, he panicked and believed Dean left him.   
Cas blacked out in that moment and when he came to, he couldn't remember what had happened or why his arms were stinging with the pain of fresh blood. He looked up sharply when the sound of a plate shattering caught his attention. “Dean” He breathed, making a move to hide his arms. But the damage was already done and Dean’s body had stiffened and his face was clearly showing his heartbreak. “Dean… I…”   
Dean sighed and began to pick up the pieces of the plate and the food he had brought for Cas. “It's okay…” He said softly.  
Cas looked away, heart pounding and mind racing as his thoughts suffocated him. “No it's not” He gasped. “I'm horrible. I'm so horrible. I'm sorry, Dean. I'm not making you happy”   
Dean’s head jerked up and he quickly moved the broken plate aside, pulling Cas into his lap. “Oh Cas… You're so lovely. You're not horrible. And it is okay, Angel… Because I believe the saying is, ‘Rome wasn't built in a day’” He gently guided Cas to stand before lifting him into his arms and placing him down on on bathroom counter. “I'm going to clean you up… And we're going to have a nice talk about how to stop you from feeling this way”   
Cas stared at the ground, looking away from Dean as the other started to clean him up.   
…  
Dean sat on their bed with Cas in his lap, straddling his thighs. “Cas we need to talk about your methods of feeling better.” He said gently. “When you feel upset, it's not healthy to take it out on yourself” He let his hands glide up Cas’ back and then back down in soothing motions. “Now you can always kiss me, always. Whenever you need me, all you have to do is say the word. But you seem to not want to ask for help. Why?”   
Cas looked away from Dean, mumbling his response and trying not to lean into the warm, inviting touches Dean provided. “Because I think I can solve my problems on my own…”   
Dean continued the slow movement of his hands, simply feeling Cas’ scars and gentle skin through his shirt, loving the way his hands dipped into the arch of his back. He silently had to yell at himself for getting slightly aroused at such a delicate time like this. “But sometimes you have to ask for help, right?” He only continued when Cas nodded. “But what if I'm not around at that moment, what are other ways to cope than self-mutilation or kissing me?”   
Cas chewed his lip, seemingly searching for the answer. “Um… I could… K-kiss… Other people.”   
Dean’s eyes grew suddenly dark at the thought of Cas being touched or kissed by another. “Absolutely not.” He growled. “Exclusive. Monogamous. Whatever you want to call it. The relationship is only between us. Which means you can't kiss anyone else.”   
Cas thought he would shy away from the possessive tone of Dean’s voice like he would when his brothers used it. But it was quite the opposite and he shuddered when Dean talked like that. “O-oh… Um… I don't know”  
Dean held Cas’ hips and massaged soothing circles onto his hip bones, having relaxed enough to not use a possessive tone. “What do you like to do?”  
Cas leaned into Dean’s touch, cheeks turning dark red. “Um… I quite enjoy… Playing piano… And drawing… And writing music to play later on the piano.”  
Dean nodded. “So how about you draw until I can get you a piano.”  
Cas felt himself nod, signing onto healthier options like Dean wanted. For a moment he felt he would actually get better.

Then the phone rang. Dean moved his hands off of Cas's Hips and gently moved Cas not the bed.Cas felt cold all of a sudden,wanting to be with Dean. Dean answered the phone quickly, his demeanor going from calm to nearly ravenous. “They're going from door to door now? What the fuck?” Dean cursed some more before he thanked Charlie and hung up.   
Cas looked confused, wanting to be nestled in Dean’s arms again. “What's going on?” He asked softly.   
Dean sighed. “Your brothers… They… They really want you back so they're going door to door looking for you… Claiming to… Be part of the church that is looking for you.”  
Cas suddenly looked absolutely terrified. He'd gotten used to living here with Dean and he was beginning to feel loved and safe. He felt like the whole world had been ripped from under his feet. He couldn't breathe as the space and emptiness began to suffocate him. He heard Dean faintly, but he couldn't find him. “Cas!” Cas searched blindly, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't move. His heart was pounding in his chest and he was gasping. “Cas you're having a panic attack! Focus on me! Focus on me! They're not going to get you! You're safe!” He felt warm hands cup his cheeks. He felt the world return beneath his feet and breath filled his lungs. His heart calmed ever so slightly and he could see. Dean relaxed as soon as Cas’ glassy eyes came back into focus. “You scared me… I promised you were safe. I'm never going back on that promise.”  
Cas held Dean’s wrists limply, steadying himself, assuring himself that it was okay. He was safe. “I apologize, Dean.”   
Dean gave a light chuckle and pressed their foreheads together. “As long as you're okay. You don't have to apologize.”  
…  
There were several knocks on the door, followed by the doorbell thrilling through the house and sending a cold shiver down Cas’ spine. He knew who was behind that door, and he thought if he ignored them, they would go away. He wrapped himself in the blanket. The knocks came again, harsher this time and they vibrated his body. Tears started to pool in his eyes but he stayed curled under the blanket, pretending this was all just some horrible nightmare.   
And hopefully, it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So I'm really sorry about not posting last week, things got really hectic with Snowstorm Jonas(woo! Anyone from the east coast, lemme know if you're okay!!)!! And on top of that, I got uber sick! But I promise, more chapters and as always, Tell me what you think is gonna happen and how you felt about this chapter 
> 
> Til next week, my lovelies~~


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean laughed gaily. “Cas! Do you hear that? You're free!”   
> Cas heard himself taste the words on his tongue and he nodded slowly, looking at Dean. “Free…?”  
> Dean nodded and smiled as Cas slowly broke out into a grin. “I'm free” Castiel turned around and kissed Dean deeply, happily. “I'm free…”

Dean was downstairs getting snacks for them when he heard the insistent knocking on the door. With his arms full of unhealthy food, that Cas probably wouldn't eat, he opened the front door. Now of course, Dean had never seen Castiel’s brothers so when two well dressed men showed up at the door, Dean didn't know how to answer. 

“Hello, my name is Zachariah and this is my associate, Raphael.” 

They sounded like biblical names, but Dean recalled that most Christian families did that too. He mentally cursed himself for not really paying attention when and if Cas had said his brothers’ names. 

“We're from the church right around your high school. Recently, a young teen has gone missing and he usually attends all of the youth groups and all of the teachings of our one and only God. We have reason to believe his brothers, Lucifer and Michael, might be looking for him. If you have any information on his whereabouts, please contact us..” 

Dean frowned. “Yeah sure, I'll let you know”

The men looked at the snacks in his arms. “May me we ask who you are giving those snacks to? Can we ask him a few questions?” 

Dean shook his head. “No way.”

Suddenly the one named Raphael was pushing himself inside and slamming Dean against the wall. “Can we ask your friend some questions now?” 

Dean coughed as Raphael let him go. “Yeah, let me go get him.”

…

Cas shaken from his trance by Dean. “There are people here named Raphael and Zachariah.” He said quickly. “What do you know about them?” 

Cas looked scared all over again. “They… Hardcore religious and-and…” 

“It's fine. Bobby’ll take care of it. I'll bring down Sam it'll be okay”

Cas nodded and curled back up under the blanket, clearly shaken. 

… 

Dean grabbed Sam and all but dragged him down the stairs. “Don't mention Cas, act like you don't know him. Heard of but don't know.” 

Sam nodded, a set look of determination on his face. Dean disappeared into the back, knowing he'd find Bobby there. “Bobby.”

“Whattya want, boy?”

Dean looked nervous. “There are men here and more on the way to find Cas.” He said, watching as Bobby looked confused before he nodded and understanding crossed his face. 

“Tell ‘em to get outta my house.”

… 

Dean was back up the stairs and he snuck under the covers with Cas. “They're gone. But your brothers could show up and they probably will, but Bobby’ll take care of it.”

Cas popped his head out of the covers, Dean following with a smile. “Dean. I do not understand why you're doing this for me.”

Dean frowned and took Cas's Hands in his own “I'm doing this because you're a beautiful and kind human being. And you're my boyfriend. And you deserve to be safe and away from harm.”

Cas flinched but didn't say anything because he knew it would upset Dean. He wasn't kind or beautiful and he certainly didn't deserve Dean or any of this. He felt Dean’s lips press against his cheek. “You're beautiful.” He heard it, whispered, against his skin. He heard it whispered after every kiss on his scars until for a moment he felt it. He felt every whispered compliment, every light kiss, and every gentle touch. And he felt wanted. 

And from that point on, Dean told him through kind kisses and compliments that he deserved to be in the world, every moment he could. 

… 

It was when they were eating dinner when knocks at the front door echoed through the house. Cas instantly fell silent and turned into the perfect soldier, sitting up straight with his hands folded in his lap. Dean smoothed his hand down Cas’ back soothingly, feeling Cas relax into the touch. The knocks sounded again and Bobby stood, grumbling about stupid people knocking at  _ his  _ door. Bobby was in shock when he opened the door and was greeted with several police pointing guns with smug Lucifer and Michael standing behind them. 

“You're being charged with kidnapping, Bobby Singer. Either hand over the child or be arrested and he will be taken.” One of the men shouted. Bobby looked back at Dean and shook his head with a sigh. And the air surrounding everyone became stale. 

Slowly Cas stood, silently shaking with his eyes burning in anger and tears. Before he had taken more than a few steps, Dean was kissing Cas deeply, knowing exactly what to do to make Cas’ knees weak. He felt the other press against him, gripping his shoulders. When Dean pulled away, hands still holding Cas’ hips, he looked at the officers, eyes traveling to a very angry Lucifer. He smirked and pulled a very embarrassed Cas against him. “Castiel is my boyfriend he's staying here for a few days. Yes, his guardians were notified.” He said, eyes turning murderous as he glared at Lucifer and Michael. “And before you make accusations here, I think you should check their  _ dungeon _ where they tortured my boyfriend.” 

Their guns lowered and then went back into the holster. They looked between themselves and then to Lucifer and then to Dean. They looked confused before they apologized to Bobby and left in their cars. “Damn police ‘ccusing me of stupid shit.”

Castiel looked up at Dean with wide eyes of shock. “They're gone?”

Dean nodded, smiling. “They're gone and you're safe.”

*****************

Two weeks passed and as Dean and Castiel spent more time developing their relationship, when Cas cut, they got progressively lighter. At the moment Cas was clean for 3 days. Dean and Cas sitting on the couch watching a movie when Charlie called. There was insistent shouting from the redhead and Dean changed the channel from their movie to the local news. 

“... Have been charged with assault and sexual assault on their younger brother. There are many people in the community who have strong feelings about it.”

“I can't believe I lived next to these  _ monsters _ !”

“They did that to their brother?!”

“Disgusting”

“They deserve to go to hell”

“And many more had much to say about Michael and Lucifer Novak. They are supposed to face a trial and then face up to life in prison, but the police are looking for the two men as they seem to have fled the state.”

Dean laughed gaily. “Cas! Do you hear that? You're free!” 

Cas heard himself taste the words on his tongue and he nodded slowly, looking at Dean. “Free…?”

Dean nodded and smiled as Cas slowly broke out into a grin. “I'm free” Castiel turned around and kissed Dean deeply, happily. “I'm free…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are my lovelies and I aim to please...! And i know that these chapters are so boring and short, but I don't want to rush anything... Should I speed things up a little? Probably, right?
> 
> As always, your comments make my stomach do a floop and they make me very happy...!!  
> So dont forget!  
> ~<3


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As she approached his bedroom door, she heard a one-sided conversation. 
> 
> There was muffled laughter and Charlie could tell it was Dean. “Of course. You know I miss what we used to be, right?” She could tell he wasn't completely there, his words were a little slurred and he sounded more depressed than usual. “Oh come on Lis, you know I tell you everything. It's just hard for me right now ya know.” Charlie stiffened. Lisa? Lisa Braeden?

It was a few weeks later, Lucifer and Michael still in jail and everything seemed like it would be all okay. Cas was clean for 3 weeks and 2 days and Dean had never felt happier for the other boy. They were both happy. Castiel’s nightmares subsided and only appeared every once in awhile.

Cas stretched, yawning at the same time. He ran his fingers through his already messed up hair and snuggled closer to Dean's side. “Hey there baby, finally awake?” Cas simply yawned and nodded with a small smile.

“I had a crazy dream, though. There were a baby and some bees and a murderer. You should've been there.” He paused for a moment. “Well... I guess you were there but I mean… you. Like real you there.. ya know?” Cas looked up at Dean, eyes lined with sleep.

Dean chuckled and attempted to smooth out Cas’ hair. “I'll try my best to really be there next time.” He kissed the other teens forehead. “Promise.”

Cas smiled sleepily. “Thank you, Dean.”

“No problem, baby”

********

It was hours later, Cas still snuggled into Dean's side, movie marathon playing in the background. Charlie had shown up some time ago for a study session but was now lounging on a chair upside down, her hair grazing the ground as she watched the movie with Dean. She was simply waiting for Cas to wake up so they could study for finals of their last year of high school.

Charlie had decided on Harry Potter about two movies ago, so now they were watching the third one together, Prisoner of Azkaban. Every once in awhile they would glance over at Castiel's sleeping form, Afraid of any type of wrath they would incur from the sleeping teen. It was miraculous how anybody could sleep this long but Dean didn't dare question it.

During a particularly loud scene, Castiel was starting to stir from his sleepy stupor. Charlie and Dean turned their heads towards him slowly, Dean being extra careful to not wake Cas. Cas sat up and stretched like a cat before noticing Charlie, who had silently managed to fit herself into the upright position. He smiled happily. “Good afternoon, Charlie. What brings you here?”

She gave a half smile about his forgetfulness. “Uh… we were supposed to have a study session today so we could ace our finals. That are ya know… coming up very fast.”

Cas suddenly straightened up, hands flying to his hair before he groaned suddenly. “Oh, Charlie I completely forgot. I'm sorry.” He pouted cutely as his hands dropped to his lap.

Charlie smiled. “Well there's still time in the day and I've brought my laptop and my textbooks so we can always study now if you want.”

Cas nodded gratefully and tiredly climbed off the couch. “We can study in my room,” he said definitively as he grabbed some of Charlie's things from the floor and began to carry them up to his room. As soon as he got there, he plopped the bags down and dragged his study table over. He sat down on the ground, cross-legged and started placing the textbooks on top. Charlie stood in the doorway and waited for him to finish. She knew better than to interrupt him.

Both being super whizzes in math and science, they blew through all of the practice problems with ease and if one of them didn't understand something the other surely did. This was how most of their study sessions went. As soon as they picked up the studying materials for English and history, though, both of their minds went blank. Thankfully, Castiel was good in English and Charlie was good at history. What they didn't know was taught to them from the other. A mutually beneficial relationship.

About 5 and half hours in with minimal breaks and snack times, Charlie watched as Cas’ eyes began to drool as his words got slower. She glanced at her watch and saw that it was 2 am, she rolled her eyes, wondering how this always happened. She watched the pale teen drift off to sleep at the mini table, hand still clutching his favorite pen in his left hand and resting his head on his right. Charlie smiled and reached out to him, shaking him gently. “Cas… come on bud, time to get up to go to bed. I'm sure Dean is all alone in that great big bed of his…”

Castiel’s eyes drifted open and a little smile appeared on his face. “So tired, Charles.”

Charlie's gave a small snort at the old nickname and nudged him again “I'm gonna get Dean, okay? I'll be right back.” She stood and started tiptoeing to Dean’s room, careful not to wake anyone else in the house. As she approached his bedroom door, she heard a one-sided conversation.

There was muffled laughter and Charlie could tell it was Dean. “Of course. You know I miss what we used to be, right?” She could tell he wasn't completely there, his words were a little slurred and he sounded more depressed than usual. “Oh come on Lis, you know I tell you everything. It's just hard for me right now ya know.” Charlie stiffened. Lisa? Lisa Braeden?

“It's just so close… the anniversary… with him and I don't know… I know you care about me Lis… I know you didn't like him… hell, I don't like him either…” she heard him groan and her face fell. He didn't like Cas? Then what was all that cuddling today? What’s all the kissing and the love-iness and the helping been for? She listened closer. “No, of course, I can't tell him, Lisa! Hearing that and seeing me would destroy him. I can't do that. No.” Charlie was about 2 seconds from busting down the door and wring up Dean's neck. But as much as she wanted this to be her battle, it wasn't. And she would have to keep this information to herself. At least for a little while.

Charlie took a deep breath and gently knocked on the door. “Dean? Cas fell asleep in his room at his little table. Could you come get him? I'm too weak to lift him.”

There was frantic movement from inside before the door was pulled open. Dean's eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed. He cleared his throat. “Yea. I'll go get ‘em. Be sure to sleep in there tonight Charlie. There isn't any way I’m lettin’ you go home this late. Sleep tight, okay?” He said as he lifted Cas up bridal style, the other boy limp in his arms. Charlie simply nodded, unable to look at Dean, hoping to the god she didn't believe in that Dean wasn't talking about Cas on the phone. But she could never be sure. Maybe she would confront him about it tomorrow when Cas wasn't with them.

**********

At school, in between classes, Charlie grabbed Dean by the ear and pulled him to the side. She was furious. She'd spent all night thinking about the phone call between him and Lisa. And she was about 3 seconds from reading Deans balls clean off. She pointed a finger at his chest. “I'll give you 30 seconds to tell me exactly what you were talking about on the phone last night with Lisa Braeden.” Dean looked absolutely petrified of the smaller girl. She could really pack a punch and she was pissed off about something. “Tell me. Now!”

Dean pressed up against the wall. “Did you seriously listen in on my conversation last night, Charlie? I can’t believe you! That was private and I was drunk. I honestly don’t even remember half the things I said or who I was talking to!” He pushed her away lightly, angry in his voice. For a second, he looked scared, but it wasn’t from her.

Charlie threw her hands up in defeat, her own anger in her actions. “Okay, Dean. Whatever. Just make you sure you talk with your boyfriend and not Side Bitch Braeden.” She grumbled before stalking away.

Dean sided and rubbed his face with his hand before plastering on a smile on his face and rounding the corner to meet Castiel. He lifted and spun Cas with ease, laughing as he did so. Cas’ laughter was like the sound of angels themselves. Cas gripped onto Dean. He knew he was safe in the others’ arms, but that didn’t stop him from being nervous, afraid of being dropped. Dean gently placed the other on the ground. “How was English?” He asked as he hooked an arm around Cas’ shoulders.

Cas smiled at the affection and walked with the other to the cafeteria. “It was okay. We mostly reviewed for the final and stuff and I’m just worried that I won’t pass…” He looked to the side sadly.

Dean stopped them, bent a little to be at eye level with Cas and placed his hands on the other’s shoulders. “Castiel. What is your class rank?”

There was a mumbled reply. “One…”

“And what is your grade in English right now?”

“98…”

Dean nodded and kissed Cas’ forehead as he straightened up. “Baby, I don’t think there’s any way you’re going to fail this exam.”

Cas nodded, confidence streaming into his body. He smiled gratefully at Dean and kissed him on the nose. “Let’s eat.”

Dean smiled and took the other boy’s hand. “Let’s.” And as he looked at Cas he took in more things that made the teen so much prettier in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you well know by now, I've been on quite the hiatus. I was stuck in this huge rut of writer's block and I honestly didn't know whether or not to even continue this story. I couldn't write anything until only recently and I found that I still love this story so much! I'm really sorry about being away for so long but I'm back and ready for action and I won't leave until it's done!  
>  ｡ﾟ･（>﹏<）･ﾟ｡


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “To the end of high school and a wonderful future with the love of my life,” Dean stated as he clinked his glass with Cas’ gently. They sipped together as Cas blushed at Dean’s toast, forever certainly sounded nice. 
> 
> They sat, pressed against each other as the sun disappeared slowly, sipping champagne and eating chocolate covered strawberries as the sky filled with a hazy pinks and oranges. It was gorgeous, Cas couldn’t take his eyes off of it, but Dean couldn’t take his eyes off of Cas.

As they laid in bed together later that night, they found themselves talking about anything they could. Cas and Dean discussed any type of old pets, favorite colors, favorite movies, etc. It was fun, they were holding hands as they gazed at each other. Dean reached out and brushed his hand on Cas’ cheek, the other leaning into the touch. “You’re so gorgeous…” He whispered, bringing Cas’ lips to his own. “How did I get so lucky?”

 

Cas blushed and smiled happily. “I think I’m the one who got lucky, Dean.” He put his hand over Dean’s and closed his eyes, savoring the moment. 

 

Dean laid and memorized the way Cas’ eyelashes fell on his face, the way his hair laid against the pillow, and the way the slight pink graced his cheeks with his small smile as he leaned into Dean’s hand. Dean couldn’t really be sure, but he could feel like something bad was going to happen, but maybe that was just his imagination from everything being too good. But then again, being afraid of negative things happening when that’s all you’re accustomed to is nothing new. Cas opened his eyes and looked at Dean finally. “Why are you looking at me like that,” Castiel whispered, blinking gently and slowly a few times to get his eyes used to the light.

 

“I just really don’t want to lose you,” Dean said back, getting closer to Castiel, able to wrap an arm around the other’s waist and pull him into his chest. “Can’t we just stay like this forever?”

 

Cas smiled a real happy smile and nodded. “I honestly think that we should. No crazy drama from the rest of the world, nothing. Just me and you, and happiness.” Slowly, both of their eyes closed and they fell asleep in each other's arms and everything was perfect.

 

***********

 

Finals came and went in a flash, Castiel, Sam, and Charlie, of course, passing all of them with flying colors, Dean, on the other hand; not so much. He’d passed but only by the skin of his teeth. As the last day of school came approaching quickly, so did the anniversary that Dean had discussed with Lisa. Nothing was mentioned to Castiel, not even the slightest hint, and he was still as blissfully clueless.

 

Graduation was now approaching swiftly, their last year of high school together, except of course Sam, whom still had some schooling left to do. All of this was almost shocking to Cas as he had always felt he wasn’t going to make it through high school, by his own hand or that by his brothers. He was graduating and he was happy, a combination of things, not entirely conceived in his head.

 

Walking with Dean now to his car on the last day of school before college was exhilarating. Castiel’s hand was intertwined in Dean’s and he was glad that he didn’t have to go back to that place again except for graduation. “Come on Cas, let’s go home and get changed, I have a little surprise for you,” Dean said with a big happy smile.

 

Cas couldn’t stop the smile from breaking out on his face. Despite hating surprises, he just might manage to like this one. “Can I have a hint as to what it is?” All Dean did was shake his head as he opened Castiel’s car door for him and let him in before he climbed into the driver's side and pulled out of the school’s parking lot.

 

*********

 

Cas stood in his bedroom, well what was technically his, considering he slept in the same room as Dean every night. He was nervous, actually nervous to be going on the date with Dean. He was frantically searching his clothes, finding things that he thought he would look good in but also too nervous to wear something too nice. Cas had desperately called Charlie for help for picking out clothes, whining about how he had nothing to wear.

 

“Cas, just pick something!”

“I can’t, Charlie. It’s too hard. There are too many choices.”

“Remember that shirt you never wore but I bought for you on your birthday? The one with the bees?”

“Well yeah, I have it right here.”

There was a laugh through the phone. “So wear it, Cas. You know you looked adorable in it.”

“What about pants? Do I wear pants or shorts? It might be too hot for pants, but what if it’s too cold for shorts?”

There was a snickering. “Wear your capris, Cas”

He felt dumb, but he laughed it off. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Go get ‘em, tiger.”

Cas giggled and nodded, thanking her softly before he hung up. He took his time getting dressed, the button up seeming a little tight, but he liked it that way and he tugged on his capris. He ran his fingers through his hair and looked at himself in the mirror, giving himself a mini pep talk before there was a knock at his door. Cas’ nerves shot through the roof and opened the door wide to show Dean in the doorway. Cas stood nervously under Dean’s heavy stare.

 

Dean suddenly broke out in a large smile. “Oh my goodness, you look gorgeous darlin’,” He said softly, taking both of Castiel’s hands in his own. “You are simply stunning.” He whispered, unable to take his eyes off of Castiel. “I don’t know much longer I can keep my hands off of you,” He teased, giving a small wink and a chuckle. At all of Dean’s praise, Castiel was practically going to become a permanent shade of light red, all the way to his ears. Dean let go of one of Castiel’s hands, still holding one. “So are you ready to go?” Cas looked down at himself and nodded. 

 

Once they were downstairs and in the car, Dean turned to Cas and held up a black tie. “Do you trust me?” 

 

Cas nodded. “Yes, of course I do.” He mumbled gently. Dean nodded and slowly leaned forward and wrapped the tie around Castiel’s eyes as a makeshift blindfold. Cas took a deep breath to steady himself to stop any type of flashbacks from occurring. There was a sound of the engine rumbling before they started to move. Cas relaxed as much as he could, desperately wondering where they were going and why. He wanted to know what the surprise was and was thinking about how he could get the blindfold off without Dean noticing when the car stopped. He heard Dean’s car door opening before his was opened and Dean unbuckled his seatbelt before gently easing him out of the car. “Dean, where are we going?” Cas asked softly, a small smile on his lips, he was being guided gently, almost up a low hill. 

 

There was a small chuckle in his right ear. “You’ll see, Cas.” One of Dean’s hands was on his lower back, the other reaching around his back and holding his hand. Cas was smiling like an idiot at this point, confused but happy he was with Dean. 

 

When they had they stopped walking after only a few minutes Dean delicately untied the blindfold from Cas’ eyes, pulling it away slowly. Cas blinked and looked around as his eyes adjusted. He saw a picnic blanket, with a stereotypical basket and a few glasses with a bottle of champagne. Castiel gasped, bringing a hand to mouth. “Wow… Dean…” He whispered in awe. He took in the surroundings with a wide smile, an open field with sparsely placed trees, one of which they were going to be seated underneath.

 

Dean grinned and took Cas’ hand and led him to the blanket. “I know, it’s kind of cheesy, but I was hoping we could watch the sunset and drink champagne and then look at the stars.” He said as they sat, a small blush on his cheeks. “I’ve really wanted to do this for a little while, but I thought now was the best time, no stress, finals done, your brothers gone. It’s perfect, don’t you think?”

 

Dean smiled and wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck, hugging him. “Yes!” He exclaimed happily. “It’s perfect Dean.” He smiled as he kissed the other teen gently. “Thank you.” He sat back as Dean poured them some champagne in their glasses. 

 

“To the end of high school and a wonderful future with the love of my life,” Dean stated as he clinked his glass with Cas’ gently. They sipped together as Cas blushed at Dean’s toast, forever certainly sounded nice. 

 

They sat, pressed against each other as the sun disappeared slowly, sipping champagne and eating chocolate covered strawberries as the sky filled with a hazy pinks and oranges. It was gorgeous, Cas couldn’t take his eyes off of it, but Dean couldn’t take his eyes off of Cas. After finishing their glasses of champagne, they had at least three more before they laid down on the ground, Cas pointing to the sky with precision. “Dean, look it’s Sagittarius, and up is Ophiuchus,” He continued to point. “Scorpius, and Libra.” He looked to Dean with a wide smile.

 

Dean stared at Cas briefly before he leaned over to the other teen and kissed him. As he kissed Castiel, he moved on top of the other, getting on all fours above him, deepening the kiss. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck, burying his fingers in the other’s hair, making a small sound. Maybe it was the small amount of alcohol in their systems, but it didn’t seem like they were going to stop this anytime soon and go back to stargazing. 

 

Dean sank down to elbows, using one of his free hands to move down Cas’ body gently, slipping under his shirt. His hand moved up, feeling Cas’ body beneath his fingertips, loving even the scars that marred his torso. He pulled back from the kiss briefly, sitting back to unbutton Cas’ shirt, his fingers were fast to do so, ready to drink in Castiel’s bare body. He pushed the shirt aside and stared at Cas. There was only one thought running through Dean’s head as he did and it spilled out of his mouth. “You’re gorgeous”

 

His hands roamed freely over Castiel’s body, touching and feeling every dip and curve as he bent and kissed Cas deeply once again, slowly both of his hands slid up his body and gently rubbed over Castiel’s nipples, drawing out a small whine of pleasure from the other teen. He gently pinched Cas’ perked nipples, causing him to pull back from the kiss and moan. Cas quickly covered his mouth with both of his hands to stop his moans from coming out. Dean looked at the boy and shook his head. “You know I like hearing you moan,” He said softly, removing Cas’ hands gently before heading back to his nipples as he kissed at Cas’ neck and shoulders, biting a mark occasionally.

 

Dean’s hands slid further down Cas’ chest and stomach as he started to unbutton the capris that Cas had on. He looked to Cas for confirmation and continued when he saw the teen’s small nod. He pulled off Cas’ pants and boxers after gently tugging off his shoes. Cas covered his face in his hands from embarrassed, but Dean couldn’t be happier because Castiel looked gorgeous in the moonlight. He ran his hands along Castiel’s inner thighs, drawing a quiet moan from the other boy. Dean grinned, the sound was small but enough to keep him going. He groped at the other teen, feeling the soft skin there. He bent and bit at the flesh, sucking mark after mark in a line going up Castiel’s thighs. 

 

Dean moved back up Castiel’s body with gentle kisses as he took the other teens erection into his hand feeling the other shudder as he did so. He kissed Cas slowly and deeply as he languidly stroked the other. When he pulled back from the kiss, Cas was panting and trying his best not to moan as Dean stroked him, tangling and gently tugging on the other’s hair. “Dean…” The name rolled off of Cas’ tongue as he moaned and Dean let a heavy breath against Cas’ ear, his own little moan at the other.

 

Cas brought Dean back to the kiss, needy as he kissed him. Dean let go of Cas’ cock and the other responded by rolling his hips into the air gently to chase the warmth of Dean’s hand. Dean smiled into the kiss and pulled back in favor of ditching his own shirt and unbuttoning his jeans, wiggling out of them, reaching into the picnic basket, pulling out some lube. He quickly returned to Cas, kissing him before he spread some lube on his fingers. Dean leaned back down, lips brushing against Cas’ ear before his bit lightly on his earlobe. Tenderly, he pressed a finger to Castiel’s entrance and pushed his finger into the other with gentle precision. He slowly began to move it, watching Castiel’s reaction as he curled his finger a little, at least a few times before Castiel’s eyes widened and he let out a small moan. Dean kept this up for a while adding two more fingers before Cas was moaning against his lips. 

 

Dean took his fingers from the other and put some lube on his erection before slowly pushing into Cas. He took his time, not wanting to hurt the other but also knowing he would probably be at least a little sore tomorrow. Castiel was gripping at his back and Dean was almost glad that Cas had to keep his nails short so he would scratch himself bloody. He bottomed out and stayed still for some time before he slowly shifted his hips out and then back into the other. There was no reaction from Cas, so he continued to move slowly. Cas wasn't entirely used to tenderness when it came to sex, Lucifer had brutalized him so many times he associated this was bad, but what Dean was doing felt good. The slow movement of his hips plus the amount of time that he had spent building up to this was beautiful, albeit a little clumsy, but it was perfect. 

 

Thing built until Cas was moaning underneath Dean, the latter stroking Castiel's cock in time with his thrusts. Cas was gripping at Dean, his hair, his shoulders, his back, virtually anything he could hold onto, he did. As they both neared their climax, Dean leaned down and sloppily kissed Cas before kissing his forehead tenderly. “I love you, Cas,” the four words uttered against his forehead was all it took before the other was coming. Cas had moaned out his reply to Dean, “I love you too.” Dean continued to move inside of Cas until he too, was coming inside of him. Dean panted for a second before pulling out of Cas and laying next to him. He looked at Cas and kissed him languidly and lovingly. 

 

Cas lazily pointed to the sky. “That one is Libra.” Dean laughed, still panting lightly, kissing him once again before deciding they had to get dressed and go home. What a wonderful night it had been. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is late! But here it is, I hope you enjoyed, be sure to comment with an ill wishes or concerns about the story, I love reading them and it's what motivates me to keep writing


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They both fell asleep and around 3 am, Cas woke up. He stretched a little and looked at the sleeping face of his best friend. He was so worried that he was going to be the target of his brothers, but he didn’t want to worry anyone else, so he decided that he wasn’t going to tell Dean. Cas slipped away from Charlie and started making his way upstairs. He got to his shared bedroom with Dean and found it exactly how he had left it, empty, bed made and lights off. Tears sprang in his eyes, he just wanted to snuggle up to his favorite person in the world and feel safe.
> 
> He shook his head and went back to the basement. He took out his phone and sat down on the couch. ‘Where are you? I’m worried.’
> 
> It was 10 minutes before he got a reply. ‘I’m fine. Go to sleep.’
> 
> Castiel sighed lightly and looked at the message. ‘Okay. I love you, Dean. Goodnight.’
> 
> There was no reply.

Charlie started to spend more and more time with Cas, eventually staying over for a few nights after the graduation ceremony had occurred. Bobby was there to support all of his little idjits during graduation, pictures now hanging on walls of them in dumb robes with goofy smiles. Cas and Charlie were laying on the floor in Cas’ room, talking about what they wanted to be when they got accepted into their colleges.

 

Cas looked at Charlie. “Well, I think I want to be some kind of teacher. Maybe work with children, make an impact on them so they do good in the future.” He looked bright and happy as he smiled at her. 

 

Charlie grinned back, but it wasn’t happy. She was still worried about Dean’s conversation with Lisa, what did it mean? What was it all about? “I was thinking about computer science. Be a super tech geek like I’ve always wanted.”

 

Cas looked away, still obviously happy. “I think you’ll do great, and if we both get accepted at Boston, we’ll be close won’t we?”

 

Charlie let out a little laugh. “We’ll be 150 ft away, Cassie.”

 

Cas found himself laughing with her.

 

***********

 

It was the second week of July when Cas noticed Dean acting a little strangely. It had been about three or four weeks since they had sex for the first time, but Dean hadn’t done anything sexual with Cas after that. Dean started drinking, at first only a little bit, some beer here or there, but as they approached the third week of the month it got heavier and no matter what Cas said, he couldn’t stop the other from doing it. He was starting to get worried.

 

One late evening, he grabbed Sam and pulled him aside. “Sam… I’m worried about Dean, why is he acting like this. Why is he drinking so much? What’s going on?” 

 

Sam sighed a little and looked down at the date on his watch. “In a few days, it will be the anniversary of Dad’s death. Dean doesn’t take it well. He’s going to get blackout drunk on the 19th and I just let him deal with it. He’s inconsolable. I’m sorry Cas. It would maybe be better to keep your distance on that day. Sometimes he gets violent and does things he always regrets.”

 

Cas was silent as Sam disappeared in the other direction. Why hadn’t Dean told him? Why was this something that he didn’t want to say? What happened?

 

**************

 

As the nineteenth approached quickly, Cas was as sweet as ever to slightly older teen, letting him do as he pleased and never pushing the subject of his father. But perhaps he should’ve.

 

Dean often times pushed Cas away, but carefully as to not hurt the other boy, just to get him out of his space and Cas let it go whenever it happened. He would go to bed an hour before Dean, finding himself sleepier and sleepier as the days went on, but he pushed his own needs aside and catered to Dean’s every desire.

 

**FOUR DAYS UNTIL THE 19th**

 

Cas napped about half the day away, surprised when Dean didn't wake him up at ten as per usual if he slept past six. He stretched and went to the bathroom. Looking at himself in the mirror, he thought looked a little tired but he did look healthy. He turned to the side and examined his stomach and he frowned at what he saw. He was a little bloated or putting on some weight. Either way, he didn’t like it. Cas shook his head to get rid of any negative thoughts and made his way downstairs. He smelled food and his mouth watered. He walked quickly to the kitchen, expecting to see Dean, but getting Bobby instead. He smiled anyway. “Hi, Bobby.”

 

Bobby looked up at him, a little surprised. “What’re you doing here? I thought I was alone.” 

 

Castiel tilted his head as Bobby took down an extra plate for the still sleep driven teen. “Where’s Dean?” 

 

Bobby raised an eyebrow. “I thought he left with you. He got in the Impala this morning and drove off, saying something about running errands. He might not be home for a few more hours.”

 

Cas nodded, a little hurt that Dean didn’t even say goodbye, but he forced a smile on his face. “Well anyways, good morning.”

 

Bobby gave a chuckle and moved away to show Cas the clock. “More like afternoon, but sit down, I’ll get ya some food.”

 

Cas did as told, sitting at the table as he patiently waited for Bobby. His phone buzzed in his pocket, showing a text from Charlie. 

 

‘We have to talk soon, call me when you can.’

 

Cas frowned, but put his phone down to eat brunch with the gruff man.

 

***********

 

It was only about 40 minutes later that Cas gave in and called Charlie. She answered after only a few rings. “Charlie? What’s wrong?”

 

He heard her sigh from the other end. “I… This is really big. I’ll have to tell you in person, but tell Bobby to not answer the door for anybody. I’m bringing some of  your favorite comfort foods and we can hole ourselves up in the basement.”

 

“Charlie! Tell me what’s going on. Please.” His voice was urgent and he already felt like crying.

 

“Cas… Someone got them out. Helped them escape.” Her voice could barely be heard above a whisper. The phone slipped out of Cas’ hands as he felt all of his perfect world come crashing around himself. He screamed as he crumbled to the floor, anger and sadness ripping him to shreds. Bobby came rushing in, placing a gentle hand on Castiel’s back in worry. 

 

“Cas. What happened? What’s goin’ on?!” 

 

Cas looked at Bobby, completely wrecked. “They got out.” 

 

*********

 

Charlie sped her way down streets before she finally got to Bobby’s house, seeing Cas on the floor, face red and streaked with tears and she knew he was reliving any bad moment that he had with them. Every single second of his torture. She also saw Bobby just sitting with him, at a loss for what to do, but also knowing he shouldn’t leave the boy. 

 

Charlie crouched on the floor and wrapped her arms around the teen. Bobby stood and locked the door behind her. He needed Cas to feel as safe as possible, now more than ever. “Cas listen to me. We’re going to go to the basement and watch Disney movies and you can sleep if you want. We’re going to eat ice cream under our favorite blankets and I even brought some new Rubik's cubes to solve.” 

 

Castiel looked at Charlie and slowly his eyes stopped being glassed over. “Really?” Charlie nodded and started to guide him to the basement that Bobby had. He let her.

 

***********

 

They both fell asleep and around 3 am, Cas woke up. He stretched a little and looked at the sleeping face of his best friend. He was so worried that he was going to be the target of his brothers, but he didn’t want to worry anyone else, so he decided that he wasn’t going to tell Dean. Cas slipped away from Charlie and started making his way upstairs. He got to his shared bedroom with Dean and found it exactly how he had left it, empty, bed made and lights off. Tears sprang in his eyes, he just wanted to snuggle up to his favorite person in the world and feel safe.

 

He shook his head and went back to the basement. He took out his phone and sat down on the couch. ‘Where are you? I’m worried.’

 

It was 10 minutes before he got a reply. ‘I’m fine. Go to sleep.’

 

Castiel sighed lightly and looked at the message. ‘Okay. I love you, Dean. Goodnight.’

 

There was no reply.

 

************

 

**TWO DAYS UNTIL JULY 19th**

 

Charlie was still staying over, glaring at Dean whenever Cas wasn’t looking. Even if he was upset over his father he shouldn’t be pushing Cas around like this. Cas always let it slide, he knew it was only two days until the anniversary even if Dean hadn’t personally told him. Dean was barely talking to him and Cas would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt him, but maybe he was just overreacting. 

 

Dean had started drinking by noon and ignored everyone, his head too overrun with memories of John, slamming him into walls when something wasn’t done right. Taking Sam’s beatings and always taking the blame so his brother wouldn’t have to feel the fists collide with his stomach. It started when he was 10 and Sam was 6. John would get drunk almost every night and if something wasn’t cleaned or put away properly by his little brother, Dean would always tell John it was him, so he would take John’s anger. It was the first time John hit him. Dean cried for almost an hour after it happened and John let him.

 

Cas couldn’t get through to Dean, constantly trying still, despite Sam telling him to just give up several times that day. Dean sat in the sickening silent bedroom, tears in his eyes, unable to remember the past days from his constant drunken stupor.

 

*********

**JULY 19TH**

 

Cas was shoved out of the house in the early morning by Sam. The door was slammed behind him and no matter how hard Castiel rammed his fists into the door, begging to be let back in, his calls were never answered.He gave up. He sighed and slid down the door, head in his hands. He just wanted to help Dean, to be there for him and to calm him down, to take the liquor from his hands with gentle fingers and a calm smile and hold Dean until he stopped crying. Why was Sam taking that liberty away from him? What was so terrible in his head that he couldn’t tell Cas or even try to get help?

 

+++++

 

Dean woke up about 30 minutes after Cas slid down the door. His head was in splitting pain with every step he took downstairs, everything was spinning and he could barely stand. He still felt a little drunk. He plopped his body down at the kitchen table and looked around at the emptiness. Where was everyone? Did they all decide to leave just like his mother and John? He groaned and put his head down. With fumbling fingers and chest heaving in pain at the thought at everyone leaving him, he managed to get his phone. Dean brought the phone close to his face but his vision was swimming and he called the first person his finger landed on. 

 

+++++

 

Somewhere in her mind, she knew she shouldn’t answer, but this was Dean calling her, on the nineteenth. ‘He’s probably still drunk off his ass’ she thought as she answered. “Hello?”

 

“Lisa? I need someone. Come over. Everyone’s gone.” It was the same story as last year. And the year before that. Lisa sighed and shrugged, an evil smile spreading across her lips as she hummed.

 

“I’ll be over in 20 minutes, Dean."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Posting this chapter a little late, I went on vacation and then got absolutely swamped by school work, but here it is. I hope you liked and I think that I'll post a new chapter every other week on Thursdays. Once a week would be too hard with editing and I think I would accidentally make the chapters too short in an effort to make a deadline and I don't want to disappoint you guys! Until next time~~ uwu


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ride back to the house felt like an eternity. While they drove, Castiel took one of the rings and strung it around his neck with a chain that he bought. He was over the moon. 
> 
> They finally pulled up at the house, only a few lights on, including their bedroom, which meant either Dean was awake or he had fallen asleep with the light on. Either way, everything was going to be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is a very /very/ late chapter. It does get angsty and I apologize in advance. 
> 
> I'm so sorry this is so late. Please enjoy!

_*****This Chapter contains graphic description of self-harm/ suicide attempt, please read at your own discretion***** _

 

_Somewhere in her mind, she knew she shouldn’t answer, but this was Dean calling her, on the nineteenth. ‘He’s probably still drunk off his ass’ she thought as she answered. “Hello?”_

 

_“Lisa? I need someone. Come over. Everyone’s gone.” It was the same story as last year. And the year before that. Lisa sighed and shrugged, an evil smile spreading across her lips as she hummed._

 

_“I’ll be over in 20 minutes, Dean.”_

 

****************

 

Cas sat in the library with Charlie half of the day, silently crying as he read books about how to help his significant other. “Charlie, I don’t get it.” He said softly as he placed the book down, voice gently trembling. “Why is it that he doesn’t tell me anything. I had to find out from Sam that he was hurting! And I don’t even know the full reason. I understand their father is dead, but that can’t be the only reason! Nobody just turns to heavy drinking because of a parental death and to become violent?” Cas sighed and turned his sad eyes to Charlie for help

 

She shrugged as her response and looked at him with almost sad eyes. “I don’t know Cas, I really don’t know.” She reached out a gentle hand and placed it on his. “But we can spend the day together. Just me and you. Go to the mall and get him something nice. And then when we get home we can make him hot chocolate and have a good time to make him feel better.”

 

Cas sniffled and nodded. “I think I would like that…” His voice was small but he gave a smile to show that he really did enjoy the idea of helping Dean get over whatever spell he was under. He was eager to leave the quiet space of the library and he practically rushed Charlie out of there, slowly starting to feel better.

 

*******

 

There was a knock on the door and Dean stumbled slightly to go answer it. He knew he reeked of alcohol. He knew he shouldn't have called her. But Cas was gone, who else in this world would like him after everything that happened? He swung the door open and straightened up with a grin.

 

Lisa's black hair was perfectly curled and she was clad in a light pink dress that fell to her mid-thigh. She stepped inside, the clicking of her heels echoing through the empty house, save for Dean. She sent a searing smile his way, looking up at him through her lashes. “Good morning, Dean.” Lisa basked in the way his eyes took in what she was wearing. She was living for the way he looked almost lustful for her already.

 

Dean shut the door behind her, hand reaching out to touch her waist and she let him, she looked beautiful. “Good Morning, Lisa.” He said back, easing her gently against the door with his body. He heard her gasp a little.

 

Lisa looked up at Dean, the same small seductive smile plastered on her face. She wrapped her arms around his neck, delicately trapping him against her body. “Why hello there Dean.”

 

Dean grinned and started to lean down, ready to kiss her into oblivion. Suddenly her fingers were on his lips and her voice was soft and sultry when she spoke. “What about your boyfriend, Castiel?”

 

“What boyfriend?” He asked with a smirk before his lips descended on hers in a bruising kiss.

 

*******

 

They arrived at the mall, Cas’ eyes bright and unknowing of what was happening back at the house; in their bedroom. He was holding Charlie's hand, smiling happily as he looked at different shops. He turned to Charlie. “Do you think rings would be too much? For going separate colleges and stuff?” He flushed, almost embarrassed.

 

Charlie smiled reassuringly. “I'm sure that he'll love them. And if you get one that's not his size you can get a chain for it and he can wear it,” She nodded.

 

Cas lit up once again. “Yea!” He walked faster to the jewelry store. He saw two rings that he knew he wanted to get. They weren't overly expensive, but they were perfect for the two of them. He chose the gemstones, two different ones. The one for Dean had a sapphire above the emerald while the one he got for himself had the emerald above the sapphire. The store clerk was very nice as he talked about the kind that he wanted. He was grateful as the clerk helped him and just talked to him.

 

The store clerk pointed to Charlie, who was waiting by the door. “Is that the lucky lady?”

 

Cas simply flushed and shook his head with a small smile. “No, that's my best friend, she's here for moral support, can I get a small engraving?”

 

The clerk nodded. “The same on both or separate? And may I inquire about who is getting the ring?”

 

“The same on both, please. Can you please do, ‘C+D’” Cas smiled at the woman. “And he is amazing and very kind. I think that getting us rings for when I go to Boston for college would be a sweet notion, for him to keep me close to him while I'm across the country”

 

The clerk smiled kindly and nodded. “That is very kind of you. The rings will be ready in several hours. We can call you to inform you when they're complete.”

 

Cas nodded and thanked her, walking back to Charlie brightly. She moved from the wall and held out her hand. “Where to, Cassie,” She grinned and started to walk away from the store.

 

Cas smiled brightly. “Anywhere”

 

***********

 

Bobby and Sam came home after a few hours. It was around 4 o'clock. Sam saw Lisa's purse hanging on the staircase handrail and he paled. He knew right away how badly Dean had screwed up. Sam felt his hands go clammy and he felt sick, this was his fault. He should've just let Cas stay, this never would've happened. He closed his eyes tightly and willed it all to be a dream. He opened his eyes and he knew it wasn't.

 

But he certainly wasn't going to be the one to tell Cas.

 

************

 

Cas and Charlie flitted around the mall, trying on various clothes they wouldn't buy and having fun as they waited for the rings to be done. At one point, Charlie had managed to get Cas into a dress. He was blushing the whole time and Charlie had actually considered buying it for him because ‘goddamn how could he be so damn curvy? When did that happen?’ She certainly tried to, but Cas was vehemently opposing it, desperate to make sure she didn't buy it. Charlie laughed but caved in, not buying it, but keeping it in mind.

 

They spent hours eating and laughing before Castiel's phone rang, he answered, smiling. The rings were ready. He checked the time, thanked the woman and looked at Charlie, eyes bright and happy. “Let's go!” He took her hand and practically dragged her to the jewelry store.

 

It was 9 when he grabbed the rings, neatly tucked into the bag. He smiled fondly and started to walk out with Charlie. Castiel was extremely happy, the smile wide on his face.

 

The ride back to the house felt like an eternity. While they drove, Castiel took one of the rings and strung it around his neck with a chain that he bought. He was over the moon. They finally pulled up at the house, only a few lights on, including their bedroom, which meant either Dean was awake or he had fallen asleep with the light on. Either way, everything was going to be fine.

 

Castiel smiled as he walked up the stairs, eyes glazing over the pink purse on the handrail, not even taking notice as he walked quietly. He took a deep breath as he approached the bedroom, it was quiet inside, save for a few gentle breaths and even those were barely heard. He walked into their bedroom, his eyes down, hands clutching the gift in his hand. He looked up at Dean still smiling, he found Lisa’s bare back, hair falling down it, Dean’s hands holding her hips. His smile dropped immediately as the bag slipped from his grasp, unable to stop the tears from falling in waterfalls down his face, mouth open slightly in shock but no sound escaping. Castiel couldn’t remember the last time he cried this hard, his world that he built all day came crashing down. Everything was flashing before his eyes, Dean protecting him from his brothers, laughing as they threw cupcakes at the bullies, their date under the stars, and graduation. The only sound that he made was the smallest of all gasps and the gentle thud of the bag hitting the floor.

 

Lisa flicked her head over her shoulder, smirking when she saw a crumbling Castiel. Dean looked over lazily, paling and becoming almost instantly sober. He knew he had fucked up royally, he got ahead of himself, pushed Cas away and now he was going to pay for it. “C-cas?” He managed to croak, his heart heaved out of guilt, he thought that Cas was gone, just up and left him, but now here he was, silently sobbing as he found Lisa on top of him.

 

Castiel shook his head, taking small steps back as he slammed the door behind him. He ran, he couldn’t breathe and he certainly couldn’t think. He ran downstairs, choking back sobs as he slammed open the front doors and crumbled on the porch, clutching the necklace in his hands. Charlie was gone and he was alone, the only thing accompanying his echoing sob was the moon. Even the wind was silent as he grieved. He stood slowly and wiped his tears with the back of his sleeve. He turned and walked back inside as Lisa was walking down the stairs. She grabbed Castiel's arm with a sickeningly strong grip. “I win, slut.” She purred out before she was out the door.

 

Cas looked down at the ground, tears still streaming even though he didn't want them to. He climbed the stairs with small steps, breath quivering. He truly felt he had nothing. Everything was wrenched from him, and on top of that, Michael and Lucifer were still out looking for him. He calmly walked into their shared bedroom, eyes grazing over Dean and moving to his things that he had slowly integrated into the room. He picked them up one by one and started walking out once again. Dean placed a gentle hand on Castiel's arm to stop him. “Cas…”

 

Castiel didn't turn but he stopped walking. “Get your fucking hands off of me,” He said softly.

 

Dean looked startled, hand still on Cas it was the first time he had heard Castiel curse. “What?”

 

Cas turned, anger in his tear-filled eyes. “I said, Get. Your. Fucking. Hands. Off of me.”

 

Dean dropped his arm, looking at the bag on the ground, a frown forming. Castiel whirled around and walked out, putting his stuff in his bedroom before he slammed and locked the door. He looked around the room, darkness surrounding him, only a thin piece of metal glittering in the almost pitch black room. He eyes it from across the room, walking towards it in a trance.

 

Was he really so disgusting and undesirable? Was he really so unattractive? Was everything a lie?

 

The feeling of pain spread up his arm, shocking him out of his thoughts. The tingles he had longed for so long as the deep red liquid beaded on the pale skin of his arm. Slice after slice into his skin, each one deeper than the last. He held the blade gently, blood dripping down his fingertips. Castiel took quiet steps to the bathroom, taking his phone out of his pocket and dialing Charlie's number but not actually pressing call yet. He reached out with his unmarred arm and turned the bathtub on, watching as the water filled the tub. He let it run as he climbed in, water sloshing over the sides. He was drenched in water, clothes soaked, water chilling him. He pressed the button.

 

Charlie answered within a few rings. “Hey, Cas! What's up?”

 

Castiel felt the tears rise in his eyes, it was great to hear her voice and his chest constricted guiltily as he looked at the water that was starting to turn pink. He placed the phone down and had her on speaker as he turned off the water. “H-hey, Charlie,” He said softly as he stared at his small reflection in the blade in his hand. “I uh… I just wanted to say thank you,” Another cut was added, deeper on his right forearm, blood spilled into the water. “For everything. And I'm sorry.”

 

He could practically hear Charlie's frown through the phone. “What are you sorry for Cas?” Her voice started to sound far away. “Cas?!”

 

His voice was soft as his eyes fluttered. “Goodbye, Charlie.”

 

\----------

 

Charlie was screaming into the phone, calling out the Castiel desperately. She hung up and called 911, tears blurring her vision as she sped to Bobby’s house. She was still on the phone with 911, voice trembling as she slammed open the doors to Bobby's house, tripping over herself to get upstairs to Cas.

 

She heard Bobby's gruff voice, asking what the hell was going on. Charlie didn't say. She cried as she slammed her body into Cas’ bedroom door. 911 was staying on the line as they sent an ambulance over to the house. She was sobbing as she smashed her fist onto the door, desperate.

 

Bobby grabbed her shoulders to stop her. “Charlie, what is happening.”

 

Charlie looked at him, hair wild and eyes brimming with tears. “Cas” She croaked. “He... He said he was sorry and he just said goodbye and he wasn't responding. I need... we need to get him out”

 

Bobby nodded and let go of her, disappearing into his bedroom to get a set of large keys. He slid the key into the door handle and opened it. Charlie slipped into Castiel's bedroom as Dean came out of his. Bobby put a hand on Dean's chest to stop him from going inside. “No Dean. Not you.” He said, he was still upset with Dean for the decisions he had made today.

 

Dean frowned and glared but he knew he deserved it, he was so worried about Cas it was practically eating him alive. He was practically scum of the earth for what he did. He wanted to apologize and try to fix the things he had done and he knew it wouldn't be right away, but he was willing to try and try to talk about it. Dean just wanted Cas and he felt so terrible having caused Cas such anguish.

 

Charlie saw the blood dotted on the floor and she slammed open the door, crumbling to the floor. The water was pink, the blood-soaked razor blade laying next to the tub. He looked positively lifeless. She crawled to him, yelling out sobs. She wrapped her arms around his body, tugging him out of the tub, closing her fingers around his cuts in a desperate attempt to stop the bleeding. “Cas! Cas Please! Please…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking this story is just about halfway over. I'm looking to finish this at around 30, but it might be less (It will probably be a little less). I look forward to you reading the next chapter.


	15. Chapter 15

**_3 Years Later_ **

 

Three years changes people. Castiel's hair was slightly longer and he was taking medication now for his depression. He was smiling more and living in an apartment with his current lover and his three-year-old little girl with black hair and green eyes. 

 

After everything had happened in South Dakota, Castiel had spent 4 weeks in a hospital, he had to get some stitches and he was left with grotesque scars along his arms that he covered with bracelets most of the time. His daughter still didn't know what happened and he would only tell her if she asked. 

 

Castiel woke up to the alarm, shutting it off quickly so that he wouldn't wake Balthazar. It was early, still 5:30 in the morning. He was careful to get out of bed, gentle movements as he stepped away from the sleeping form. He could finally breathe when he locked himself in the bathroom. He looked at his reflection, an angry bruise sat perfectly on his cheek, he touched it gently, Balthazar got drunk last night. It was the first time in a while that this had happened. Cas crouched and pulled out the makeup he had hidden in the bottom drawer. He straightened and began to gently dot the makeup over the purple mark on his cheek. 

 

When he was satisfied he exited the bathroom and got dressed, avoiding some old bruises on his chest, back and hips. He slipped his glasses on his face, going to Mary's bedroom. He gently nudged her awake, a huge smile on his face. “Good morning, my little bumblebee”

 

She tiredly smiled back at him, eyes still closed. “Morning Mama.” He bent and picked her up, he quietly carried her into the living room and placed her on the couch, her sleepy eyes reminding him of her father’s eyes back in South Dakota. She sat, clutching a small stuffed animal close to her chest as she yawned, she was always so tired like Castiel.

 

Castiel managed to make breakfast without too much noise, apprehensive about even making any sort of sound at all. It was a morning that he was leaving without Balthazar so he wanted the other to get some well-deserved rest so that he wouldn’t be angry later. He smiled at his daughter lovingly, he was glad that he had her in his life, otherwise, he wasn’t sure where he’d be.

 

He dressed her carefully and easily after eating with her. He scooped her into his arms and carried her to his car to take her to her daycare before making his way to the school.

 

********

 

South Dakota was empty. Dean looked around at the lonely town, everything seemed just a bit duller, he nursed empty bottles in an empty room. Everything was cold, he didn’t want to feel the warmth that would remind him of Castiel. He wore the ring he had found on his bedroom floor that day every day since then. Some days were harder than others and his chest panged painfully whenever he saw a picture of the other. He was never allowed to see Castiel for the first few months that he was in the hospital and after that, he was only allowed to see Cas upon request from the black haired boy. 

 

Dean wanted desperately to see Castiel now. He saw him once before he was on a plane to the east coast. It was a passing glance, Castiel’s stomach had nearly doubled and he had been resting a hand over it when Castiel’s eyes tore away from Dean’s and he was gone. Dean had watched the plane take off.

 

Sam was a senior now, looking to leave Dean behind in the dreary town to go to California. He walked into Dean’s room and flicked on the light, leaning down and taking the bottle from his older brother. He was angry, the fiery feeling spilling from every pore in his body. He pointed a finger at Dean. “Get up,” Sam demanded, grabbing Dean’s wrists and pulling him up gently. “Clean your dumbass up, shave your face, get in the shower and get your keys.” Sam shoved Dean in the direction of the bathroom and slammed the door shut until Dean came out about an hour later, looking clean and actually presentable. 

 

Dean looked at Sam with confusion etched into his features. “Why did I do this?”

 

Sam led him downstairs, handed him a GPS with an address already programmed into it and his keys. He reached into his pocket and pulled a large sum of money. “You did this because you’re going to Boston,” Sam said sternly.

 

Dean floundered for a moment, unable to form words to even begin a sentence to thank Sam. He didn’t know how Castiel was doing, where he even truly was, or even if he wanted to see Dean as much Dean wanted to see him. The thought was enough that brightness back into his life, the sky didn’t so grey at the moment, and Sam looked positively vibrant with his plan working. Dean smiled and they said everything to one another without even saying one word more and Dean was gone.

 

**************

 

Castiel spent his days at school while his nights were spent working behind the bar at a strip club. He was secretly saving money to get out of Boston. He wanted to be back in the quiet town in South Dakota where he spent all of his life, he was desperately homesick, wanting to see Bobby and Sam. In truth, he didn’t know how he would react to seeing Dean, the deepest part of his mind was yearning for him though, his heart was practically calling to South Dakota.

 

It was this for days. Morning, go to school, get Mary, take her home, go to work. Over and over, with minimal help from Balthazar. 

 

As days dragged on like this, his eyes dropped a little further, finding no appetite as his skin became grayer. He began to survive on bland foods, 3 hours of sleep, and unwanted sex from Balthazar, almost as payment for living there with him, he felt like it was his obligation. 

 

Mary remained oblivious for the most part, only remarking that “Mama you look so tired!” He would smile and kiss her forehead before disappearing into the bathroom to mask the bruises that started appearing on his skin before coming back out to his darling child who always looked so radiant and full of life. He was happy as long as she was happy and he would endure any form of hell, so long as he got to see her smile- the same as Dean’s smile every day, small dimples poking through her chubby cheeks.

 

It was still early morning when a quiet knock sounded throughout the house and Mary ran to get it, small feet moving as quickly as possible to get the door. She swung open the door a little bit and peeked up at the man that was outside. “Hi, mister.”

 

The man crouched to get to her height and smiled kindly. “Hi there, I’m not sure I have the right house so can you get your mom or dad?” 

 

Mary looked at him, fascinated and nodded, she looked behind herself. “Mama! A man at the door wants you,” She shouted in her small voice, walking back to the couch. He chuckled and nodded, walking quietly to the door.

 

Castiel looked down at his daughter and ruffed her black hair. “Now what did we say about shouting, Mary?” He smiled as she pouted and he opened the door a little wider, looking down at the crouching man on the front porch.

 

He felt his heart drop, the familiar sandy hair and piercing green eyes bore into his, the freckles were exactly as he remembered them, constellations on Dean’s tanned face. Before he could even register what he was doing, he had slammed the door in Dean’s face and tears started streaming almost immediately. He clutched the ring that hung from his neck. Castiel understood now exactly how he would react and it certainly wasn’t pretty, he thought as he slid down the door. Mary launched her body into Castiel’s and he held her gently in his arms as silent tears fell down his cheeks. 

 

What was Dean even doing here?


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel could still feel Dean’s hand on his face hours later, could still smell his spicy cologne and could still see his green eyes behind his eyelids when he laid down for the night. It had only been 20 minutes before Dean had begun to infect his life once again.

After sitting on the floor for what seemed like an eternity, Castiel stood and spoke, “Mary, sweetheart, can you go back to your room, Mama’ll tell you when you can come back.”   
  
He kissed the top of her head as she squeezed him before scampering off, her curls bouncing behind her.   
  
Castiel took a deep breath and opened the door, expression schooled and calm. Dean, of course, had remained sitting on the front steps. He had looked up when the door opened, relief flooding his features. “Get up and get inside, you’re lucky that it’s only Mary and me that are home,” Castiel said emotionlessly.   
  
Dean stood immediately and went inside the house. “Should I-”   
  
“Don’t talk yet. You’ll have every chance to explain yourself later. Right now is not that time,” Castiel said as he closed the door behind Dean. “Take your shoes off and hand me your jacket. Don’t touch anything in the house and don’t mess anything up, I cleaned.” Castiel wasn’t afraid to be cold towards the green-eyed man, Dean had cheated on him and broken his heart; so why was he even here in Massachusetts?   
  
Dean did as told silently, his shoes sat next to the door and his placed his jacket in Castiel’s waiting hands, watching him with longing eyes as the other man turned and tucked it into the closet. He stood still with his hands clasped in front of himself, waiting for the next instruction from Castiel. It was almost shocking that Castiel had a home. If Dean had been allowed to ask questions he would have asked who was the ‘he’ Castiel had mentioned and who was that little girl? Dean found himself unable to look at Castiel, though, eyes fixed on the floor.   
  
Castiel walked in front of Dean and pulled out a chair for him. Castiel saw that Dean’s eyes were downcast and he was glad that the other man was feeling so ashamed that he was unable to ace Castiel himself. “Would you like any water?”   
  
Dean looked up in surprise. “Yes, please… Thank you.” He took a seat, hands staying in his lap.   
  
Castiel snorted a laugh as he got Dean a glass of water. “Don’t be thanking me for anything just yet, Winchester. This is only basic hospitality, you’ve lost any respect from me,” He said as he set the glass in front of Dean. He sat across the table from him, features still cold and muscles pulled taut - ready to run. “Why are you here, Dean?”   
  
Dean swallowed thickly and nodded, taking a sip of water with shaking hands. Castiel seemed powerful and didn’t want to be more on his bad side. “Because I don’t know, Cas. I haven’t been sober for months, but Sam handed me keys and this address and just pushed me out the door. And I didn’t look back. I guess I wanted to see you, to apologize to you, and to tell you how hard it’s been without you,” His voice shook and he held onto the glass while staring in the water.   
  
“If you think that what you said is all it is going to take to get me back, you’re mistaken, Dean Winchester. I’m not the same fragile baby I was three years ago,” Castiel spat, voice level, yet still laced with venom. “If you think that you can drive yourself from South Dakota to Massachusetts and win me back, then you’re as much of a fool as you were on that day. You don’t get lock me out of your life for three days and then fuck somebody else! And you seem to think that spending three years, drinking your life away on the floor instead of moving on was a healthy decision?! I’ve moved on Dean! My daughter is two rooms away and my boyfriend whom I share this house with will be back in a few hours! Don’t think you can come back here and uproot the life I’ve made for myself while you were whittling away by yourself to nothing.” He was standing now, eyes downcast to the table, enraged tears streaming.    
  
Dean watched the scene, each word out of Castiel’s mouth had been a sharp dagger to the stomach. His chest constricted tightly as Castiel’s words advanced to shouting as guilt set in heavily. “Your daughter?” His mouth was dry, he knew it was hard for people to adopt, especially when they were only dating.    
  
Castiel glared at Dean, he knew his tears had probably ruined some of the makeup he was wearing, showing the shining dark bruises and bags under his eyes. “Yes. My daughter. It’s complicated, but I don’t have to explain anything to you.”   
  
Dean nodded, looking at Castiel, the redness in his eyes from crying brought out the heavy blue of his iris. He saw the dark bruises under the streaked makeup and he frowned deeply. “Cas, are those bruises?” His voice was quiet but firm. “Why do you have bruises on your face?”   
  
Castiel straightened and wiped his tears, smudging the foundation and concealer even more. He assumed that Dean only served to make him more emotional than normal. “It’s none of your business, Dean.” He went to the kitchen and rinsed his face before blotting it off with a towel. It didn’t make sense to hide the bruises from Dean anymore. He had already seen them.   
  
Dean stared, standing and taking a few small steps towards Castiel. His hand stretched out without his permission and then he was cradling Castiel’s cheek with gentle fingers, examining the bruise lightly. He took in the dark bruises on Castiel’s face, they must have been recent, at least within a few days. “Who did this to you?” Years ago, Dean had the same bruises, he knew it had to be given by a person and whatever bullshit excuse that Castiel had planned wasn’t going to work on him.   
  
Castiel had sucked in a breath when Dean got close to him, entire body heating up when he felt Dean’s hand on his cheek. He knew he should back away, but the sink was already behind himself, fingers white knuckling the hem of his shirt. “Nobody did this to me,” He whispered, voice trembling lightly. He could smell Dean’s cologne, exactly as he remembered it, felt the warmth of his hands, the gentlest another human had touched him in years. “It’s fine, Dean.”   
  
Dean felt himself getting angrier the longer he looked at it. “It’s not fine Cas and you shouldn’t have to put up with it at all,” He said quietly.   
  
Castiel averted his eyes from Dean’s beautiful freckles and perfect green eyes. “you should go. He’ll be home soon and he doesn’t like other men. Please leave.” He whispered and waited for Dean to remove his hand from his face, letting go of his held breath when he did. He relaxed in on himself, his walls had taken a hit and if Dean decided to keep coming over, he was going to be in trouble. He watched Dean retrieve his leather jacket from the closet and pulled on his shoes next to the door.   
  
Dean looked at Cas over his shoulder. “Don’t think this is goodbye, Cas. I’ll be back sooner than you think.” He closed the door behind him with a resolute click before Castiel could tell him not to.    
  
*****************   
  
Castiel could still feel Dean’s hand on his face hours later, could still smell his spicy cologne and could still see his green eyes behind his eyelids when he laid down for the night. It had only been 20 minutes before Dean had begun to infect his life once again.


End file.
